One of my children’s father’s favorite sayings were, “I trust you to do what you are going to do.” His statement meant that he never fully trusted anyone. He trusted them to do exactly what they wanted to do, even if it meant only pleasing themselves or not having regards for another person’s feelings. I would always tell him he could trust me along with, what I would consider, showing him the same. I would rarely go out to have any type of fun without him. I would disconnect my personal cellphone and have anyone who needed to contact me call his phone. These are just two of the many things I did to try to make him feel like he could trust me. After he passed, I found out some information about our time together as a couple that made me rethink and, kind of, change my prospective of him and our relationship.

(Note: I will not go into detail about what I found out and this is only out of respect of his children. When it is explained to them, I will explain it to you. Until then, please do not form your own conclusion. Thank you.)

At the present moment I am not looking for a husband, but I am looking forward to being found, for the Bible states in Proverbs 18:22 that “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Therefore, my husband will find me. So, what concerns me is what condition he will find me in. My relationship with my children’s father took a toll on me. Sometimes, it drained me and even after he passed, it frustrated me. I thought for months how foolish, manipulated, hurt, and confused I was and how I would never allow myself to be in that predicament again. For this reason, how do I trust again after knowing that at anytime I could be lied to and not know it. I could find myself falling for him and can’t truly trust him because of my past. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know, from my standpoint, I tend to allow some past situations to dictate my future or how far I want to go.

I know, from my experience in being in a long, committed relationship, there are many other qualities both parties must possess in order for it to work. There’s trust, communication skills (not great, but at least some), respect, consideration for the other person’s feelings, and being able to be understanding, and at times, being able to compromise. A lot of people would cringe at that last one, especially women, being that we, most of the time say that we will not go for something because of our high standards. I, for one, don’t have a lot of standards, but there are some things that I require before I think about having a relationship with a man. I won’t go into that special list because you have to be ever so careful what you tell people because they will, sometimes, try to conform themselves to be all that you want so that they can have all of you. With this list, I am learning that there is no such thing as a perfect human being, so, in no way, do I feel like I’m going to have a man who has everything on that list. I am willing to, most of the time, take 3 out of 5, on a good day. LOL

Honestly, all of this talk is well and good, but absolutely means nothing if I don’t trust GOD. On the night my children’s father passed, one of the main things I remember screaming to HIM, as I sat in the waiting room at the hospital, is, “Even though he’s gone, I WILL STILL TRUST YOU!” I remember saying those words over and over again in the mist of my tears. To tell you the truth, those words have been tested ever since I said them almost a year ago. My faith in HIM has, truly, been proved. So, the answer to my question is, YES, TRUST is the key to happiness. I have found that once I fully trust in HIM and HIS plans for my life, everything else would fall into place. In many of my relationships, and especially my last one, I depended more on my mate and how he felt. Once I became single again, I understood God makes no mistakes and uses things that happen in our lives to wake us up and, even, draw us closer to HIM. I have decided that I don’t need GOD to give me anymore signs to trust HIM more. I will start and finish this race, TRUSTING HIM. Be Blessed.

A few months ago, for the first time, I walked a full three miles. It was the Harris County 5K Walk. It happens every year after our health challenge. Hundreds of county employees come together and walk five kilometers (which I just found out was 3.107 Miles. I don’t know why I thought 5K meant 5 miles. Please, don’t judge me. LOL) We had a little late start because I waited for one of my co-workers to come, so I didn’t have to walk by myself. I decided to take my babies with me. We started a little after everyone had gotten off to a nice start and as we walked, it seemed like the crowd became farther and farther away from us.

There were a few stops here and there because I had my three wonderful children with me. The entire walk was an amazing and eye-opening experience for us. As we started out, I started to take in the scenery and beauty of the grass, trees, and just everything. As we started walking, we all had a huge momentum. I mean, we hit it full force. We had not even hit mile one when the walk became a little harder for the kids. At mile one, there was a group giving out water. I didn’t want any, but of course the kids wanted some. That little break slowed us down even more. People who started way after us started to pass us by. When we got to mile two, there was another water station and there were kids there to show us a short cut to get back to the front, but I was determined to finish. My mom ended up calling me to check on us because everyone had made it to the finish line. After that phone call, it felt like forever getting to the finish. Elijah tells me, “Mom, I hear the music.” I could hear it but I never thought that it was the music from the finish line. Minutes later, we see a sign that says “MILE 3”, which was just a few steps away from the finish line.

So, this experience reminded me of life and, especially, my walk with God. I know, for me, when I first excepted Christ into my life, knowingly, I had this unexplainable excitement and zeal for God, the same feeling I had at the start of the walk. The more I walked, the more I started to realize that I didn’t really give my children a choice whether or not they wanted to walk with me. I felt like I was dragging them. In life, there will not be many people excited for you in your new found freedom or be able to accept you or run along with you. Furthermore, you won’t be able to bring everybody with you. Some of your family and friends can’t go where you are going in life for numerous reasons including, they don’t have the same heart or mindset to move forward. The object is to stay the course and keep your focus on the mark. No one knows where the finish line is nor do we know how close or how far it is. We just have to get there. We can make it!!!! Be Blessed.