One of my children’s father’s favorite sayings were, “I trust you to do what you are going to do.” His statement meant that he never fully trusted anyone. He trusted them to do exactly what they wanted to do, even if it meant only pleasing themselves or not having regards for another person’s feelings. I would always tell him he could trust me along with, what I would consider, showing him the same. I would rarely go out to have any type of fun without him. I would disconnect my personal cellphone and have anyone who needed to contact me call his phone. These are just two of the many things I did to try to make him feel like he could trust me. After he passed, I found out some information about our time together as a couple that made me rethink and, kind of, change my prospective of him and our relationship.
(Note: I will not go into detail about what I found out and this is only out of respect of his children. When it is explained to them, I will explain it to you. Until then, please do not form your own conclusion. Thank you.)
At the present moment I am not looking for a husband, but I am looking forward to being found, for the Bible states in Proverbs 18:22 that “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Therefore, my husband will find me. So, what concerns me is what condition he will find me in. My relationship with my children’s father took a toll on me. Sometimes, it drained me and even after he passed, it frustrated me. I thought for months how foolish, manipulated, hurt, and confused I was and how I would never allow myself to be in that predicament again. For this reason, how do I trust again after knowing that at anytime I could be lied to and not know it. I could find myself falling for him and can’t truly trust him because of my past. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know, from my standpoint, I tend to allow some past situations to dictate my future or how far I want to go.
I know, from my experience in being in a long, committed relationship, there are many other qualities both parties must possess in order for it to work. There’s trust, communication skills (not great, but at least some), respect, consideration for the other person’s feelings, and being able to be understanding, and at times, being able to compromise. A lot of people would cringe at that last one, especially women, being that we, most of the time say that we will not go for something because of our high standards. I, for one, don’t have a lot of standards, but there are some things that I require before I think about having a relationship with a man. I won’t go into that special list because you have to be ever so careful what you tell people because they will, sometimes, try to conform themselves to be all that you want so that they can have all of you. With this list, I am learning that there is no such thing as a perfect human being, so, in no way, do I feel like I’m going to have a man who has everything on that list. I am willing to, most of the time, take 3 out of 5, on a good day. LOL
Honestly, all of this talk is well and good, but absolutely means nothing if I don’t trust GOD. On the night my children’s father passed, one of the main things I remember screaming to HIM, as I sat in the waiting room at the hospital, is, “Even though he’s gone, I WILL STILL TRUST YOU!” I remember saying those words over and over again in the mist of my tears. To tell you the truth, those words have been tested ever since I said them almost a year ago. My faith in HIM has, truly, been proved. So, the answer to my question is, YES, TRUST is the key to happiness. I have found that once I fully trust in HIM and HIS plans for my life, everything else would fall into place. In many of my relationships, and especially my last one, I depended more on my mate and how he felt. Once I became single again, I understood God makes no mistakes and uses things that happen in our lives to wake us up and, even, draw us closer to HIM. I have decided that I don’t need GOD to give me anymore signs to trust HIM more. I will start and finish this race, TRUSTING HIM. Be Blessed.