All posts by Ebony D. Miles

Hi. My name is Ebony. I live in Houston, Texas where I am a full-time county employee and mother of three. My oldest "PRINCE" is eight years old, "THE DIVA" is seven years old, and "THE RULER" is five years old. I love life and adore my children. I'm a very active member of Greater New Hope Church, a.k.a. "The Praisedome". My hobbies are reading, writing, singing, and working.
Events, Motivation & Inspiration, Purpose, Self-Love

New Year, Better Me: It’s All In The Bag

2 Comments

Hello world!! Happy New Year!!! It’s 2023 and I am ECSTATIC about what this new year is going to bring. It has been a loooooong while since I’ve written here, but NEVERTHELESS, here we are! The Vision Blogger is here again!

My last blog post was written in May of 2021. WHEW! What a journey I have been on since then! I have crossed many bridges, conquered even more mountains, and God has continuously kept me alive and my mind intact. I’ve sprouted a few new strings of grey hair and cut most of it off (I still can’t believe I did that one) but God has been faithful. Thank you, Lord!

Where did I leave off? I was released from my job assignment with the county in April of 2021. I worked solely on my business up until September of last year when a work-from-home job almost fell into my lap. Literally. I accepted the position with the intent to continue to focus on my business as much as possible. *I dare not give up on my dreams ever again for a job.* So, while working for this company, adding a few more business ventures, along with writing books (which I released my first word search puzzle on Amazon here) and being a mother, I continued to serve in ministry. Needless to say, I am a very busy woman. Now, the issue I have with being busy is making sure I’m being productive. Productivity is not only what I produce with my hands, but what I produce in my mind, body, and spirit. I, sometimes, focus so much on producing with my hands, that I neglect what matters the most. So, when I was invited to the New Years’ Eve Purpose Brunch by Lady Tina Armstrong, I cleared my entire day to take time for myself and focus on what God wanted to say at that moment.

I was the first one at the location because I wanted to get there to take a few pictures and drop off some items Lady Tina asked me to bring. As I entered the front door, I was given a SUPERWOMAN box of goodies, a purpose planner/journal/devotional/everything to help you get through the year, and a pair of cozy socks. Lady Tina had me remove my shoes, put on the socks, and allowed me to make myself at home. She was still in the kitchen cooking and prepping for the other guests to arrive. I did as requested. I kicked my feet up and prepared my heart and my mind for what was to come.

As I sat on the cozy couch, in my comfy socks, that moment brought back memories of going to my grandparent’s house for Thanksgiving, which had been years since my grandmother has not been able to cook for us after having to live with dementia. I felt at home. I made up my mind right then, this was a safe space. As the other ladies started to mosey in, introductions were made, hugs and kisses were exchanged, and conversations about seating arrangements through laughter filled the room. Brunch was served. As you can see, there was a SPREAD. You had fried chicken wings, seasoned potatoes garnished with fixings, grits, eggs, biscuits and gravy. WHEW! I got excited all over again. Not only was there good food, but your favorite choice of juice was available with champagne to make a sweet mimosa. This wasn’t Thanksgiving dinner, but it definitely was the breakfast I wish I would’ve had the morning of.

With our bellies full, it was time to go to work. For our first activity, we were given white bags and instructed, by Lady Kenisha Malone, to decorate this bag however you would like to, might I add, without knowing what the purpose was in the end. I drew a complete blank as to what I wanted this bag to say or have on it. The first thing that came to my mind was “Only The Beginning” because this was my beginning. The beginning of focusing on the moment and taking better care of myself. I placed those words in the middle, drew a few flowers to represent growth, and wrote my name on the back. After making this bag ready for display, I was told to take some sticky notes and write down my “baggage”, which were things I wanted to leave in 2022. I dug real deep inside of me to those secret places to pull out “the baggage”. I learned quickly these bags were not going to be for display, but was reminded that this is what we do with our baggage. We put on these facades to display “everything is alright” or “I’m good” or “I’m not hurting”, so no one will see what we are dealing with or what we are carrying. After filling these bags with our baggage, we were forced to crush it. My beautifully decorated bag full of things I felt made me who I was or comfortable at one time or another was headed for disposal. This was only the beginning.

Now, let’s get into this purpose planner/journal/devotional/everything to help you get through the year. Lady Tina hit the motherload with this one. This book was not just your ordinary planner. This book had scriptural-based meditation pages for a daily devotion, letters of encouragement from the SUPERWOMAN herself to get you through the day, week, or month, pages to write out your prayers, coloring pages to decompress from heavy days, and everything else to discover WHO YOU ARE, WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, and WHY. Yes, it’s a lot to take in and digest, but it’s so necessary.

Throughout the pages of this planner, it helps you write it out. I don’t know about you, but my thoughts are so much clearer on paper. There are even times when I don’t even know what to write about, but this book opens that dialogue within yourself that allows you to discover or rediscover YOU. There were other pages that made you think about who you are and what you really want. There was a page for you to write a letter to your future self. This page stuck out to me the most. I really had to think about where I see myself in years to come to be able to write to that person. I believe this book is perfect for anyone looking to learn, grow, and evolve.

Lady Tina took us through a few vital pages through the planner. Together, we completed these pages to the best of our ability and some of us shared what we wrote. We talked about one thing we could do that day to improve ourselves, one thing we would tell our teenage selves, our biggest inspirations, strengths, and weaknesses. Tears flooded this living room as we shared our thoughts. Through these tears, there were moments of reflection, encouraging words exchanged, love and understanding was dispensed. There was no judgement or shame about what we had been through or the damage others or ourselves had caused. We were in the LIVING ROOM to share and/or empathize with our sisters who needed an uplifting word, advice, or just prayer as they completely gave God their YES. We weren’t only there for ourselves at this point. We were in this together.

It’s moments like these that help you understand a key factor about life: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It may feel like it because of what we see, but there is SOMEONE who understands where you are. A lot of times, when we are going through situations in life, we can feel like we are the only ones who have had the experience or understand our process. We might not have been the person it happened to or we might not have had the exact same details of the experience, but we share the emotions. That is one thing I love about God. Those tough circumstances don’t always feel good at the moment, but He makes it very clear that every test and trial serves a purpose. It might not be for you, but it can definitely be used for someone else. He’ll place you in LIVING ROOMS, even if it’s your own, to minister to a group of women who need to be freed by your testimony or granted strength in knowing they can be completely healed from past hurts, love after being taken advantage of, or overcome any and all situations.

The theme for this brunch was butterflies. Upon my research, according to PBS, “Butterflies are one of the most diverse and most recognizable creatures in the insect world. They are famous for their symmetrical wings that often display amazing colors and patterns. But the life of a butterfly is far more than their beautiful wings. The butterfly’s life is one of complex change.” In a nutshell, the butterfly lays very small eggs that are so small you can’t even see them without a magnifying glass. The eggs are placed under a leaf until it hatches into a caterpillar that now uses the leaf that once covered him, for nourishment. The caterpillar continues to eat and grow, shedding layers of skin throughout its time until it can’t grow anymore. Then the caterpillar finds a safe space to create a cocoon until it is ready to break free. When the adult butterfly is released from the cocoon, their wings unfold and it’s ready to fly to fend for itself, mate, and start the process all over again.

I related our lives to a butterfly. We are eggs growing into babies in our mothers’ wombs, considered the covering, only able to be seen by a special machine called an ultrasound. We are under this covering until the birthing time where we become caterpillars, feeding from who gave us covering or any person God places in our path to provide nourishment. We eat and grow until it’s time for us to find our secret, safe space to privately deal within ourselves until it’s time for us to be revealed to the world covered in bright, unique colors. The beauty about each of us is that everyone’s time is different. Everyone’s path to birth and growth is different, but we all have our moment to be presented to those who will receive enlightenment from our process or our wings. Be Blessed and never stop flying.

Motivation & Inspiration, Purpose, Relationships, Vision

Who Are You Stagnating in Your Comfortability?

4 Comments

At the beginning of the year, I made the decision that we were going to move out of the home my children and I currently live in. We were even in the process of buying a house before I was terminated from my job of almost 10 years, which you can read about that experience here. This goal of purchasing a house had to be placed on the back burner with the idea of not receiving a loan because of no job and not enough consistent income. I made up in my mind to take my savings and pay my rent up for six months and solely work on my business. A week later, my landlord of 6 years advises me they are looking to sale the house in June. This gave me less than two months to find somewhere to move, with no job, and no thoughts to how this was going to work out – but I have my business and MY faith. (That’s another blog in itself!). Today while I was filling orders, I was reminded that they asked me to move in the month of June, which for the past few years, has been a transitional month for me and my children. Today I had to realize that this next move is strategic in so many ways like many other big moves in my life. I have lived in this house COMFORTABLY for almost 6 years paying lower than what most would for this size house (FAVOR). I didn’t have to struggle with wondering how to pay this and that many times nor have we had any disconnections (Thank you Lord!). Things were comfortable to the point I never felt as stretched as I do now. 

Talking to one of my sisters yesterday helped me realize – what if me living in this home, making preparations to stay in this place longer, stopped my landlords from moving forward with their plans for their future or where they actually needed to be. After my conversation, I heard, “Who are you stagnating in your comfortability?” Who are you holding back from moving forward because you like being in the position you are in? Many times, I’ve stayed in places, emotions, relationships, and “situationships” because they were comfortable to me. There wasn’t much work I had to do to keep it. It was what I knew. I felt staying where I was or with who I was with would cause me not to have to learn anything or anybody new or have to struggle to regain the comfortability I worked hard to obtain. But again, who was I stagnating by staying in those situations? I can even think back to my job. I stayed there because JP Court was what I knew. I didn’t want to learn anything new. I didn’t want to get to know new people. I didn’t want to be in a new position or department. I became comfortable, not only with my position, but with the emotions as well. I stagnated myself. I became comfortable with going back and forth to work feeling the way I felt because I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of even looking for another job and having fear of being uncomfortable in a new place. Is it possible, me staying at that job held up someone else’s blessing of being in a better position than they were in or even my previous coworkers? What if me staying too long made the environment worse? 

Of course, when I think of this, the story of Jonah comes to mind. Jonah was told by God to go somewhere where he did not want to go. He decided to run in the opposite direction. God sends a storm which not only effects Jonah, but it effects the people he was on the ship with. This causes Jonah to be thrown overboard just so the others could make it through the storm safely. Basically, whether we want to admit it or not, decisions that we make, not only affects ourselves individually, but it can also affect the people around and/or connected to us. Last Thursday, in bible study, my Pastor spoke on Wisdom. I realized through that lesson, I may be praying for the wrong things in this situation I am currently going through. I have been asking God for the details of what to do next and direction on where to go next when I should have been asking for wisdom to make the right decisions for myself and my children. This past month, God has shown me how He truly takes care of His children. Not that I’ve been able to handle everything on my own always, but in my flesh mind, I know that having a job and steady income is what we as humans can depend on to make ends meet. For the last month, I’ve solely leaned and depended on God to take care of me and my children. With knowing God is going to supply every need according to His riches, knowing He is going to never leave me nor forsake me, knowing I can do all things through Him that strengthens me, knowing He has plans to prosper and not to harm me, knowing He is the giver of a peace that surpasses all understanding, I don’t have to know the details. I just follow His voice, ask and believe He will grant me the wisdom and strength to make the right decisions for my life and my children. 

Motivation & Inspiration, Parenting, Purpose, Vision

Finding peace through my broken pieces

1 Comment

To Question or Not To Question?

I know people have said never to question God, but I’m sorry, I do. Not knocking anyone who feels otherwise, but for me, I believe I can ask God ANYTHING and if it be His Will, I’ll receive an answer. I believe we all receive answers to many questions not through words, but mostly through actions. Have you ever gone another direction you never intended going, get a little frustrated because you realize going that way would take you longer to get to your destination? You ask God, “Why would you let me go that way?” God says nothing. Then, you find out if you would’ve gone your previous direction, you would’ve got caught in the middle of a situation that had the possibility to create even more damage than you imagined. God never had to say a word. He showed you the situation He protected you from. So, yes, I ask God why, and He answers.

On April 8, 2021, my entire world was rocked when I was terminated from my position with Harris County after almost 11 years of service (1 1/2 as a temporary, 9 1/2 permanent). I spoke about how much of a blessing it was to be placed in the Supervisor position almost 2 years ago. Little did I know, I was set up to go through the most hectic emotional roller coaster ride I have ever experienced in my life. I became extremely frustrated many days, upset, happy, upset again, which later turned into depression where I literally cried all the way to work and on the way home on numerous occasions.

I had heard many stories about my previous boss before I became hired, but I am the type to always have my own experience and try not to form an opinion based on what others say about a person or experience. Things were rocky from the beginning, but things took a drastic turn for the worse probably 4 months ago when I was reprimanded for receiving several personal phone calls while I was out sick (which could never be proven when asked to see the call log) and after finding a personal notebook on my desk, I was told I should not have a blog being that it could jeopardize my job. Even before then, there were things that transpired that created a hostile work environment. I finally realized things would never get better once my previous boss told me that she could not trust me and could not work with someone that she could not trust. Those words shook me to my core because she formed a distrust for me based on rumors she claimed I said about her involving a close relative of mine, which have yet to be proven. Surprisingly, this is what she placed in my letter, along with a mistake I made three months ago as reasons for my termination.

I am convinced the termination came when I asked to speak to the people she claimed stated I started the rumor. As quick as I asked was as quick as the termination process began to happen right before my very eyes. I went to my car for lunch the day before, drove to the back of the parking lot and cried until I felt I could cry no more. I questioned God. I felt like God had literally left me to rot there. Throughout my emotional roller coaster ride, I asked Him several times if I should stay because I never wanted to be out of the Will of God or move prematurely before I received the lesson or the blessing. I believed God had me there for a purpose. I don’t believe God allows things to just happen to us or place us in certain places or circumstances for fun. I do believe we go through to learn something, receive strength for the next place in our lives, and/or to show someone else God’s glory. What started out as a cry asking God why and telling Him to just remember me and everything He took me through, turned into a praise and a worship I would have never imagined to fall from my lips. At that moment, I said, “Whatever you do, I’m with it. Whatever they plan to do, allow them to do it quickly.” The next day, I walked in the building with a smile on my face and as I was escorted out by deputies, I grabbed my items with that same smile, made it to the parking lot, shook the dust off my feet, and drove away never to look back.

I will never underestimate myself or count myself out and make myself believe outside of what God has promised. He is faithful and if He promised it, I dare not allow the enemy or even myself to make me believe His promise won’t be manifested.

Excerpt from MY TESTIMONY-GOD HAS DONE IT AGAIN

When I talked about this position being a blessing, there were things I learned through that process I feel I am relearning even through this. Ironically, I have not cried one time since this day. At first, I was wondering if I was just holding it all in like I normally do to somehow showcase my strength in a sense. But, in these past few weeks, I have had so much peace, it has been unfathomable. What may seem like a truly messed up situation, this may sound downright crazy, but it showcased God’s love for me. He heard me. He heard my cry. He heard my plea. I remember telling God one day if He had to remove me from what I was so familiar with to give me the Peace I needed, so be it.

Of course, as a single mother and human, you go through those different ideas and thoughts of what’s next. If “I’m just out here trusting God” was a person, it’s me. I am solely leaning and depending on God for what’s next for my life. For now, I am pushing my business, “Vision Tees and Things”, I started last year and writing which will always be my first love. I am spending more time with God and with my children. I encourage anyone and everyone to just trust God. He has a plan and purpose. I know it may look bad. I know it feels bad, but He has already equipped you with exactly what you need to press through. Trust in the process. The promise is coming. I guarantee. This is not just a cliché. I will be the proof. Be Blessed.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philipians 4:7

Motivation & Inspiration, Poetry, Self-Love, Singleness

My Love Letter To My Valentine

Image Leave a comment

Dear Valentine,

Yesterday you allowed me to see something that I did not understand until later on. It wasn’t something that I was looking for. It’s just something that came across my view. But what I saw kind of threw off my day. I became agitated, irritated, just pathetic. When I had finally gotten to the point to where I became over it, all was well. What I saw still sat in the back of my mind, but it didn’t bother me like it had earlier in the day. I watched the movie of a couple go from middle school to high school with all these dreams to be together forever and what I saw came back to me like a ton of bricks. So when the movie ended I do what many single mothers do in pain. Turn the shower on, turn the music up as loud as I can, get in the shower, and cry my heart out to you. But, instead of thinking about everything that is going wrong, even though that’s how my cry started out, I begin to think about everything you do right. You make everything happen for a reason. If you did not allow me to see what I saw on yesterday, I would not have thought to release myself from whomever I needed to release myself from. I would not have broken soul ties that needed to be broken from my life. A few hours before Valentine’s Day, I cried my heart out to you. Told you how much I love you. I told you how much I needed you. I released my heart to you. I released my life to you. I released my soul and my spirit to you. I fully submitted my life to you. And as I watched the water go down the drain of the tub, I proclaimed the tears in that same water go down the drain forever. I will not have to cry about this again. I told you how I still have the faith to believe in you and Trust in the plan you have for me. I told you I wanted my desire to match your plan and purpose for my life. I believe you are going to give me the desires of my heart because I totally depend on you to have my heart and never break it. I love you. You have my heart Forever and always.

Signed,

Your child.

Motivation & Inspiration, Purpose, Vision

to begin, begin…

1 Comment

Like many people in this world, I can be a little too hard on myself. How hard I am on my children to get stuff done and do things right, I am just as hard on myself if I don’t fully accomplish something or make mistakes. I know we’re all human and the way life is set up, it’s not always going to go right, but that doesn’t stop me from pushing myself to do my absolute best in everything I set my hands to do. With that being said, in a previous post, I talked about three things I set out to do this year. Vision Tees and Things was launched, the Vision Connection Party was canceled due to COVID, which was way out of my control, and writing consistently in my blog became almost impossible, so I thought. I started to beat myself up a little when I realized I pressed only one out of three of my goals, but then, I was reminded, the year is not over yet. I still have time to do what I set out to do. All I needed to do was focus and put my time management skills I learned to good use. I have still had orders coming in to be filled, I’ve been looking at ways to have a Virtual Vision Connection Party, and I have been brainstorming ideas for posts for the rest of this year and even next year. I’m on the move!

My encouragement to you today is, with a little less than two months left in this year, just do it. Why wait until January 1st to make a resolution? Most of the time, we make these resolutions, have great momentum month one and head back to our old habits by month two. Some of us don’t even make it week one. Why not start again now? Why not go back to the goal from the beginning of this year? Whether it’s writing the book, launching the business, learning something new, starting the process to buy a house, just start. This time start with intentions to finish strong. Start with intentions to stay focused and keep your momentum. COVID may have stopped the world from moving a little, but we can’t let it take our dreams and goals. I will not be one to allow my goals and dreams to be placed on the backburner again. It’s never too late to begin. Just do it! You got this!

Motivation & Inspiration, Vision

Write the vision, make it plain

1 Comment

Last week, I decided to write out some personal, business, and home goals for my children and myself. I asked my youngest to bring the sheets of paper I wrote them down on to the car one morning. He dropped the home goals in the hallway. The next night, while the kids were getting ready for bed, my daughter comes in my room with tears in her eyes. The conversation goes as follows:

Mya: Mama, I read your goals. I’m so happy and sad.

Me: Why are you sad?

Mya: I don’t know. It’s just..Mama you believe in this for us?

Me: Yes I do.

Mya: I believe too Mama and I don’t care what anybody else thinks. It’s about what you and we believe.

I have heard many teachings about Vision in my lifetime, but never fully understood it until I had to have vision for my own household. When I was in a committed relationship, my mindset was the man has the vision for the house. Once the man who I sought after for vision from was no longer around, I had to learn how to seek vision, goals, and dreams, not only for myself, but for my children as well. Through the conversation with my daughter, I was reminded of the part of the scripture that says, “Make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it”. Why did I never think about my children being the ones to read it and run? Then, I rebuked myself. Ebony, you never let them read it. You never told them what God said. You never told them what your plans were for this house. You just expected them to believe in something they had never read or even heard about. I expected them to believe in me just because I was their mother and head of the household.  Then, I had to think about it. If I had a husband, would I just believe in him for those same reasons without knowing where we’re going? I believe knowing this shows me what my assignment is in the plan; I’ll know what to pray for,  what to seek God for in regards to our household, where to provide strength. This goes the same in your church. I love how my Pastor is very open with us as a congregation about where God wants to take us as a body of believers. He works diligently and seeks from God Himself on making specific moves for the church. He, also, gets direction from God on specific assignments as well. The leadership team has those assignments. Those specific leaders have a team who not only believe in the vision of the set ministry, but the church as a whole. We are all runners. We all have an assignment in different aspects of our lives. It’s on us to hear and read the vision set and get on our jobs to do what’s necessary for it to come to pass. Individually, we have vision. My Pastor says all the time, “We are not supposed to write it, read it, and run.” You’ll risk getting burned out on what your assignment is. It’s on us to write it out and make it plain. Then, God shows who is supposed to read it and run with what He said. Don’t be shocked by who He sends because God can use ANYBODY, even children. So, just write it out. The believers in it will come. Be Blessed.

Motivation & Inspiration, Purpose, Vision

The Vision Blogger is Still Alive

Image 4 Comments

At the beginning of this year, I had my mind set on pushing my blog, having the Vision Connection Party, and starting my business. One out of three is good! Before the surge with COVID-19, I invested in myself by purchasing two of the items needed to start my business, Vision Tees and Things. I learned so much through YouTube, craft groups on social media, and craft friends, it became hard to focus on one specific thing in regards to everything I wanted to accomplish through my business. I was having my syndrome again. My initial goal was to cut out the middleman and produce my own designs and logos on different products geared towards my blog, but as I started to learn more and do more, my business took a turn for the better. I started to do more than just printing t-shirts. I started to print on mugs, make keychains, customize wine glasses, and so much more. I can honestly say I probably would not have been able to accomplish and master all of these things if I was not forced to stay home with my children when the schools closed back in March. I used our downtime to create, fill orders, learn, and grow.

So, here are a few things I have learned in year 2020:

Don’t Forget Your Ultimate Goal: Your Reason Why

Recently, I sat down and wrote out personal, home, and business goals for my children and myself. In addition to these goals, I wrote how they will be accomplished. Doing this helped me to understand what my ultimate goal was for absolutely everything concerning my life. What am I working towards? What am I looking to accomplish by doing this? What do I want to see come out of this? I believe, wholeheartedly, knowing this will keep me consistent and focused.  I wrote out these goals so I can see daily what I am working towards. Whenever I need a little motivation, I can revert to what I wrote. It’s just like a vision board without the pictures. I remember when I first started blogging. It was ultimately to give people a glimpse of my life through my testimony while motivating through vision. Motivating through vision is my ultimate goal. It wasn’t going to only follow through with the blog or speaking engagements. Now I’ve created a platform where tangible items can be created to showcase that same vision whether it’s through wearing your brand on your chest, drinking out of a mug with your logo plastered all over it, or carrying a bag with a motivational message to keep you moving forward. Knowing and understanding this ultimate goal, for me, keeps me diligent and pushes me to stay the course no matter what.

Time Management

Lord have Mercy! I believe this one was the hardest lesson for me to learn, especially after I went back to work. It’s safe to say I am still a work in progress on this one. Now, if you know me personally, you would agree I can sometimes be a little bit of a procrastinator. Sometimes I can feel I have all the time in the world and wait until the very last minute to get something done. Being a business owner, working a full-time job, maintaining a household with children, all while attempting to have a social life Post-COVID, I was forced to manage my time. I write out a weekly schedule, plan my daily duties, make a to-do list and prioritize by level of importance. Doing this can help me physically see what needs to be done and what needs to be moved around. Through time management, I learned it’s okay to take a break. It is needed. At times, it can become overwhelming having so many responsibilities so it’s quite all right to take a step back and breathe. You never want to get to a place where you are forced to sit down and do absolutely nothing. So, manage the time you have, take care of what’s needed in that moment, and take a pause if you need to, but don’t ever stop going.

Trust God with EVERYTHING

Have you ever gotten to a point in life where your only option is to trust HIM? I have; more times than I could ever imagine. Trusting God goes so much more beyond words though. You can say with your mouth, “I trust Him”, but if you don’t believe God can do whatever you’re asking Him to do for you specifically, it means nothing. There were many times I looked at a situation I was going through and felt I sometimes deserved to stay stuck in what I was in, but I messed around and started believing what I had seen God do for others, He can do for me too and what He has done in my life before, He can do it again and again and again. When I started to live knowing that God can do the unimaginable, the possibilities became endless. I made up in my mind, with everything in me; I would never walk around this earth feeling defeated because I have God. I will trust Him when things are looking good and, most definitely, when life appears bad. One of my favorite sayings is, “Things could always be worse.” Many times, we look at our situation that looks unfixable or unchangeable and forget what we’ve seen before, what we’ve come out of previously. I don’t believe God just takes us through for fun. Everything serves a purpose. So since He’s all-knowing, why not trust Him? What do you have to lose?

Now, we all know this year has been CRAZY and I’ve heard a lot of people say, “I’m ready for this year to be over.” “This year sucks.” I’m not going to lie, I found myself agreeing with them for a moment until I started to look at EVERYTHING I gained and lost. To tell you the truth, this year has been life changing. I don’t regret one thing I’ve done nor do I wish anything would’ve happened differently. I believe everything that has happened was designed to happen to me and for me. I titled this post “The Vision Blogger is Still Alive” because somewhere along this journey of 2020 I neglected my reason why. Writing out my goals the other day awakened something in me I thought I lost and one thing is for sure, I don’t ever want to feel like I lost my passion, my zeal, or my tenacity to walk in my purpose and do what I was created to do. Ever. So, my reason why is springing forth. My Vision is still alive.

Events, Motivation & Inspiration, Purpose, Vision

I’m Pursuing Purpose

22 Comments

I started blogging in March of 2015. You can read about my start in my first blog post here. Before I became “The Vision Blogger”, I was the “Woman on Purpose, Pregnant with Destiny”. At that time, my family and I took a great loss the month before and I truly had no sense of direction. I knew I was here on earth for a purpose, but I truly didn’t know what it was. When I started having the idea of planning Vision Board parties and was given the new assignment of pushing Vision, it became my focus, my target. You swear my life became “Pee-Wee’s Playhouse”. Vision is my word-of-the-day every day. So, I felt I have my target. I have my focus. Now what?

I’m an “Idea Chick”, which means I have tons of ideas, things I want to do in life, but at times I feel like I have no follow-through. It’s not because I don’t want to do these things or work hard towards completing them, it’s just I have a lot on my plate, so things tend to take a backseat at times to what is most important in that moment. I’ll have an idea all day long, while I’m at work, driving, talking to someone, but I’ll write it down and never go back to it.

On Saturday, I started a “5-Week Course to Pursuing Your Purpose” hosted by Evangelist Tina Armstrong, who I’ve worked with on several events you can read about here. The course came with a workbook with tons of activities and great reads about things we go through in regards to doing what we are supposed to be doing in life. Through the first session, I found out I have “Shiny Object Syndrome”. “Think of a small child who’s happily playing with a toy—until their eye catches something shiny and new in the corner. What happens? In all likelihood, they promptly abandon whatever they were just playing with in order to go over and grab that irresistible shiny object.” In my case, I found out it wasn’t so much of being distracted by only something shiny and new, but also, what was easier for me to handle. I started writing a book a few years ago and stopped because I got stuck. So, here comes planning Vision Board parties. I started planning a “Mother-Daughter Tea Party”, which turned into me planning something else, but I talked myself out of it thinking, “well, everybody does that.” “Who would even come?” Then, here comes becoming the Ministry leader of the Singles’ Ministry at my church, where I have a strong core team, which made it easier for me to deal with saying yes. So, yes, I love getting ideas and having dreams to do this and that, but I’ll put the idea or the dream down if something else is presented that is easier for me to follow-through on.

After knowing about my syndrome setback, there is now “The Failure to Launch”, which goes back to my way of the thinking while I was planning the tea party. It’s truly never giving the idea or dream a chance to be the BIG thing you know it can be once it’s placed on the inside of you. Now I have to be honest with myself. I had the fear of failing. I had the fear of things not going the way I planned it. I had the fear of no one showing up. I had the fear of no one supporting or understanding the Vision. But I was advised through my workbook, “If you never launch, you can never fail. But by not launching you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to succeed. Moreover, you’re not giving yourself the chance to learn. To learn what it’s like to launch.” This is me. Often times, I’ll talk myself out of doing many things for what can seem like foolish reasons when all I needed to do was take the next step. Complete the one thing, then move to the next thing. It’s AMAZING how almost everything spoken about in our first session was confirmed by my Pastor through his message on Sunday titled “I Thank God That The Promises Are Still Yes” from II Corinthians 1:20. You can listen to the recorded broadcast here.

Through this session, I identified behaviors I need to drop because it’s hindering my pursuit purpose. Number one is being fearful of it not working the way I want it. Number two is procrastination. Number three is not using my time wisely. I am dropping these behaviors because my life depends on it to keep moving forward towards my Vision coming to pass. I’m going to replace the behaviors I’m dropping with using my time more wisely by fully utilizing my many planners, working harder towards the ultimate goal of the task I am working on and believing in myself more that what needs to be done will be completed.

As you can see, this one session was FULL of important information to push me further and further towards pursuing purpose and I can honestly say, I don’t want to miss any of the other sessions. I believe this course is truly purposeful. You will not walk out of the building without some type of motivation and inspiration to build your tenacity to PUSH towards what God has put on the inside of you for the world to see. Remember, someone is waiting on you.

You can find Lady Tina Armstrong on Facebook and Instagram. She also has planners and other life-changing workbooks along with a host of events that Push Purpose.
Relationships, Self-Love, Singleness

BROKEN PIECES IN LOVE

Image 6 Comments

Over two years ago, I was involved in a car accident. It was said that an accident happened behind me and pushed into my car. The third car spun in the air and landed to the right of me facing the other direction and I don’t even know how the car ended up on the left of me, but I was surrounded by damaged vehicles on every side except in the front. My vehicle was the only one able to be driven off the freeway, being that I only suffered damage from behind. Pieces from one of the cars sat on my bumper on the way to get the kids, on the ride home, and even on my way to work the next day, tucked over to the right side. I didn’t notice the pile of glass and screws until I was headed to lunch, while examining the damages in detail before driving off. I decided to get a piece of paper from my car and remove the pieces to the ground so I wouldn’t cut my hand, but I needed to move them out of the way in case I caused any damage to my tire trying to drive away from that spot. As I moved the pieces, I had to sweep them even further as to not damage any other person’s tires. Those broken pieces of glass lead me to believe this is how we do some of our relationships. You can either be the broken pieces sitting on someone’s bumper or you can be the holder of the broken pieces. Either way, both can be uncomfortable.

Be careful causing other’s to bleed from pieces of glass they didn’t break.

My children’s father and I were together for 6 1/2 years before he passed, which left me full of grief, bitterness, and anger. Now, at that time, I wasn’t honest with myself about those particular feelings, but one feeling I was most clear about was loneliness, which was normal after having someone laying next to you everyday for 6 years and suddenly you are alone. I was VERY reluctant on getting in another relationship after experiencing those emotions all at once. I, truly, didn’t want to believe, as a mother of three very small children at the time, I would even be liked let alone loved unconditionally by a man anyway. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen many single mothers and fathers get into happy and long relationships after a heartbreak, but that way of thinking I had was a reflection of how I felt about myself. I didn’t have nearly the level of confidence I have in myself now compared to then.

Now, I have only had one or two serious relationships since my ex’s passing. The one thing I tried my best to consider in those relationships were not allowing that particular person to pay for the emotions brought on by someone previously. Just like the pile on my bumper, I didn’t want someone to have to hold on to my broken pieces trying to love me. I knew my heart wanted to love again, but I was afraid. I was afraid of wasting my time. I was afraid of being lied to again. I was afraid of even getting my hopes to be let down. All of those fears led me to not actually be serious about a relationship. I was just meeting guys to talk on the phone to sort of fill the void of companionship. Not saying I don’t have those fears still at times, but I’m learning when you allow God to truly guard and guide your heart, you can’t go wrong. There are situations we put ourselves in for whatever reason that may be, but I’ve found God will allow those situations to teach us lessons and show us what He might have been trying to protect us from.

Be careful trying to love people whole. You may end up losing some of your pieces.

With me trying not to have my broken pieces held, I’ve found myself being the holder of others’. One particular man I was with was deeply hurt in his previous relationship with his children’s mother. I found myself losing my marbles trying to understand why he tended to kind of shut down when things were going in a good direction. Through many conversations, I learned the hurt he experienced caused him not to be able to fully expect good in a relationship. He just wanted to “ride the waves” and I felt like I made more waves with my irrational behavior caused by me not fully understanding what I tried my best not to do in a relationship. I thought me being there and continuing to love him through everything would make it all better, but I had to learn the hard way it would never be possible. While he tried to protect me from his broken pieces, I found myself trying to piece them back together, so to speak, while literally cutting my hands in the process.

Studying the meaning of these pieces left on my car allowed me to take a step back and realize the parts I’ve played in my own heartbreak and even good relationships I messed up with my own hands. First, I had to forgive myself for those parts and trust the process of becoming whole. I knew I could never have a successful relationship if I didn’t deal with things internally within myself. I knew I wouldn’t be able to be receptive to the type of love and companionship I desired. I would just continue to cut others with my broken pieces and even ones I’ve picked up from other’s damages. Second, I had to learn how to effectively love myself. I can almost bet there are millions around the world who look in the mirror daily and find something they don’t like about themselves. I believe when you effectively love yourself, you love the good and the bad because both ultimately make up who you are. If you don’t love you, how can you expect someone else to love you? The good and the bad. We can try because I most certainly have, but the foundation of love starts in you. Love you the way you desire someone to give you love, maybe even more. Be Blessed.

Parenting, Vision

Understanding My Father’s Love & Vision

Image 14 Comments

Hello Family! I have not written a post in a little while, but I can definitely tell you I have been working on soooooo many things involving my VISION for “The Vision Blogger” Companies so be on the lookout. BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!! (My team tells me I need to focus on one thing, but I can’t. LOL.)

At the end of August, my daughter, Mya, and I went to support one of my church sisters, Rhoshonda Adkison’s, event “Breakfast with Daddy’s Girl”. The event was located at Hanz’s Diner in North Houston where in the provided area, the women and young girls sat on the outside of the tables, while men sat in the middle. Each man represented that day was the “Dad” for about three or four ladies or young girls and became responsible for them for the time given. After our informal meet and greet, we all wrote out the letters to spell father on the sheet of paper given and were asked to describe what a father is using each letter. As we formulated our list, Mya started to remember her dad and came up with words with that glee and smile in her eyes I hadn’t seen in a long while. Most of the words did not start with the letters provided, but it was amazing to hear her just describe him. That moment caused me to step back and truly think about my father and how our relationship and his passing affected me.

Mya was SPOILED with a capital “S”. Now the word “spoiled” is often used as a derogatory term, but in my eyes, if a child or teenager was spoiled, they often got mostly everything they wanted and were not punished for things you might have received a punishment for. As a child, growing up, I confused being spoiled with being more loved. One day, I actually told my dad I felt he loved my sisters more than me because they were always getting what they wanted from him. His words to me were, “You have the same opportunities to get what you want and need from me, but you don’t ask.” He was right. In my mind, at the time I felt like it was wrong of me to always go and ask my dad for anything when my little sister was always going to him already for everything. I also felt like I didn’t call him enough or spent enough time with him to ask him for things I wanted or needed. I just never wanted my dad to feel like I only called him for those reasons. Looking back on this now, I am the same way with God. I know He is absolutely everything and He can do what I can’t, but I never want it to seem like I only talk to Him when I need Him. After the conversation with my dad, I realized it was my fault I felt the way I did. Point blank, I never in no shape, form, or fashion, felt unloved by my father, but as a young girl, I never knew how and what it meant for a father to show real love without having gifts and things I desired. As a teenager, as I grasped the concept of what a father’s love should consist of, I realized I looked forward to meals with my dad, going to church with him, and laughing with him until my stomach hurt more than having the materialistic things.  Thankfully, I learned this early on where that perception of love would not boil over into my relationships as an adult. I was proud to say that my daughter experienced love from her father different than how I felt as a young girl. Her father wasn’t fully in a position to give her everything she wanted. Honestly at three years old, she really didn’t ask for much of anything. She knew her father loved her by the time spent with her, the hugs and kisses he gave, and the compliments of how beautiful she is. That’s the love she experienced in only three years that she still thinks about almost five years later.

Losing my father at 22 was TOUGH for two reasons. One, I had just left my home church a year before and he had become my pastor and baptized me. As my pastor, our relationship grew stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. I saw my father in a different light and didn’t want that light to dim from my life. The second reason was, two months to the day of his passing, I had just given birth to my first child, Elijah. I remember the day I had him. The look in his eyes was unexplainable. He kept coming in the recovery room with me and going right back out to check on my son. The next day, he came back to the hospital and just held him for hours. My sister told me he preached about Elijah from the Bible for three weeks straight. When we came back to church, after service was over, he prayed and said, “Bring me my grandson.” You could see the joy in his eyes and hear it in his smile when he called. It pained me to come to grips with him not being able to see him and the other grandchildren grow up. Even now, it hurts sometimes to think about how he never got a chance to meet all the other grandkids who have been born since his passing. 

The final activity of the event was writing a letter to our fathers. I truly thought the activity was going to be an emotional one for myself and Mya but it was actually relieving. In Mya’s letter, she wrote about everything she missed about him being here on earth with her. As we finished, I started to ask myself, “What do you want to say that you never got a chance to say?” One thing was how much I loved and appreciated him as my father and at that time, as my Pastor. My father would move the moon and stars for his wife, his girls, his family, his friends and God’s people. He was a true servant. It was a blessing to see him sick, well, happy, or sad serve. That’s why when I saw the flyer where my father’s church, True Praise Missionary Baptist Church, under Pastor Earnest Helaire, Jr., was having their opening service for the new building, I couldn’t and wouldn’t have missed it. My father’s VISION had come to pass. I didn’t know everything True Praise had to go through to get the building but I knew there were obstacles. Before and even during the opening service, they continued to face opposition when the air conditioner went out. That didn’t stop them from giving God praise and honor for what He had done for them as a church. First Lady Sha Helaire and other members served the members and guests ice water because of the heat. I just believed just as she served in that moment, it was a direct representation of True Praise and what they had to endure as they waited for the vision to come to pass. They continued to serve. They didn’t quit. They didn’t allow road blocks to hinder the process of moving forward.Passing by my grandparents’ house, I had seen the pieces for the building many times, but to see all the pieces together to create the beautiful edifice was encouraging. My vision is written ALL OVER on many sheets of paper in my journal, sticky notes on my desk, and even notes in my phone, in pieces. My pieces can and will come to pass just like my father’s vision did. “And the Lord answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.” My father wrote the vision and made it plain. His church, now under the leadership of Pastor Helaire, continued on even in the midst of the heartbreak of losing their child, brother, friend, and pastor. They are running with what was written.

Every single person in this world has had their own experience with love from their birth fathers whether it was existent or non-existent. Some people don’t or didn’t have the luxury of even having their father in their lives at all or only in bits and pieces of it. What I have always found throughout my life and even through others’ testimonies, whatever you may have felt about your father, whether he was there or not, God is the only one who can fill any void you may have from not having your father around or not receiving what you needed from him. I love the idea of the “Daddy’s Girls” Ministry because Rhoshonda brings teenage girls together, which I believe the teen years are a pivotal stage in life, to minister to them about the love of Christ and building an unimaginable bond with Him. As great as my biological father was to me and as much love I am surrounded by from my family and friends, I could never live without the love of God and wouldn’t be able to understand life at times without having that relationship with Him.  

With this post, I honor my father, Pastor Jim Miles, Jr. and True Praise Missionary Baptist Church. I love you guys tremendously. Keep up the good work. Be Blessed.