Yesterday you allowed me to see something that I did not understand until later on. It wasn’t something that I was looking for. It’s just something that came across my view. But what I saw kind of threw off my day. I became agitated, irritated, just pathetic. When I had finally gotten to the point to where I became over it, all was well. What I saw still sat in the back of my mind, but it didn’t bother me like it had earlier in the day. I watched the movie of a couple go from middle school to high school with all these dreams to be together forever and what I saw came back to me like a ton of bricks. So when the movie ended I do what many single mothers do in pain. Turn the shower on, turn the music up as loud as I can, get in the shower, and cry my heart out to you. But, instead of thinking about everything that is going wrong, even though that’s how my cry started out, I begin to think about everything you do right. You make everything happen for a reason. If you did not allow me to see what I saw on yesterday, I would not have thought to release myself from whomever I needed to release myself from. I would not have broken soul ties that needed to be broken from my life. A few hours before Valentine’s Day, I cried my heart out to you. Told you how much I love you. I told you how much I needed you. I released my heart to you. I released my life to you. I released my soul and my spirit to you. I fully submitted my life to you. And as I watched the water go down the drain of the tub, I proclaimed the tears in that same water go down the drain forever. I will not have to cry about this again. I told you how I still have the faith to believe in you and Trust in the plan you have for me. I told you I wanted my desire to match your plan and purpose for my life. I believe you are going to give me the desires of my heart because I totally depend on you to have my heart and never break it. I love you. You have my heart Forever and always.
She’s a woman. She’s a wife. She’s a daughter. She’s a sister. She’s an Aunt. She’s a grandmother. She’s a friend. She’s a chef. She’s a therapist. She’s a Secret Keeper. She’s a confidant. She’s a nurse. She’s a maid. She’s a fighter. She’s a warrior. She’s the epitome of strength. She’s a bookkeeper. She’s an intercessor. She cries silent tears and most of the time, shows no fear. She’s a mother.
I never truly understood the significance of this amazing role, the weight held effortlessly on her shoulders, and the power she holds in her hands until I became one myself. Sometimes the role comes expected and sometimes unexpected. Either way it’s something God gave us, that He placed on the inside of us, to be the great women we are, like survivors placed in the wild, with no tools, no map, just instincts, ambition to keep going, tenacity to keep fighting, and a whole lot of love. There’s no manual nor a “how to be the best at it” plan. You just do it. With this job, you’re on call 24/7 and you definitely cannot call in sick. All mothers don’t even have to give birth to a child naturally, but God will birth something so great out of a woman who just willingly answers to the call. Cherish them, cherish their time, pray for them as they pray for you, and love them just as much as they love you because in this very moment she’s wearing many hats, with God on her side and a world depending on her. Whether you had a great mother, a mother who didn’t really know how to be a mother, or a woman who inspires you to be a better woman, know they were strategically placed to be just that. A Mother
~The Vision Blogger~
I looked into 100 pair of eyes today and my day still didn’t start until I looked into yours. I have sang on many stages, met a million people, signed thousands of autographs, took several pictures but until I came to this point. The point where I could smell your scent. That very scent that draws me to you like a magnet. Until I came to this point where I could hear your whisper. That very sound that you make when you are lying in my arms. Until I came to this point where I can feel your touch. That very touch that sends chills all over my body. That touch that makes holding your hand feel like the first time we made love. Until I came to this point where I could gaze deep into your eyes.
They say your eyes are the gateway to your soul. So our souls connected on a level that no man can understand. My definition of true love is your souls recognition to its counterpart in another. And since the first time I looked into your eyes I knew you were the one. You are that very one that was taken from me to complete me. I knew you were the the one that is the STRENGTH in my weakness, JOY in my pain, PEACE in my anger. You complete me! Without you its like I’m missing half a brain. Meaning I can still function but I’m limited. Maybe you don’t understand, I can breathe but can’t move. See without u I’m incomplete.
I looked into 100 pair of eyes today and my day still didn’t start until I looked into yours.
For you are the one that makes time speed up when I’m doing things that I really don’t wanna do like going to work, school or just chillen at home all alone. You are the one that makes time stop, actually it ceases to exist when I hear your voice. With just one touch you take me to places that I’ve never been. Intimacy on another dimension if that makes any since. Yes it does ya see… ecstasy was not fantasy it was reality. I was not sleeping nor was I dreaming. I was awake but reality was so orchestrated like a beautiful symphony. You would have thought that it was all in my mind but it all started in your eyes.
I looked into 100 pair of eyes today and my day still didn’t start until I looked into yours.
For in your eyes I see truth. The things you feel but don’t say. The small lies you tell so that I don’t worry. The hurt you feel but don’t know how to express it. I told you that you complete me and we are one. So no matter what you say with your mouth your eyes never lie. In your eyes I see when u pull away, I see when you have given up or go all in. They say your eyes are the gateway to your soul. And our souls have connected on a level that no man can understand. So before tonight ends turn around so I can do it all again!!!
He asked me, “what are you not telling me”
I replied “nothing my dear”
Telling him the truth was something I feared
I decided on that day
To show him how I felt
So I let him undress my soul
And I let him walk on in
He stood inside my soul
Dark and cold
Pictures that used to be filled with life
Laid broken on the floor
The good memories I had, were replaced with pain and hurt
The heart that was once big and bold
Stood locked away in a lit bubble
He walked towards the bubble
And he glanced inside
It was one gleam of light
That caught him in the eyes
It was a memory of us.
The first time we said hello
The warmth and care in his voice
Kept that light lit for so long
He never knew that when she told him she loved him, it wasn’t with her heart but with her soul.
As he slowly came to realize, what her soul barred. He started looking around, and saw more pieces of him in there.
She had decorated her soul with his childhood memories that brought him both joy and pain. She built walls with his horror stories, so he’d never have to deal with them again.
She made a lock and key with his secrets, she buried them deep inside. She built a new heart with his kisses, and that is where her being resides.
He cleaned up and set up some things, hoping the light would spread. He turned around and closed the door and this is what he said.
“I know why you love me. I know how. I know when. But the fact that you love me with your soul, we will never end.”
All I could do was smile with comfort and relief, because all the things I’ve never told him, he knew and I never had to say a thing.
My my my, where should I begin Shaped in iniquity born into sin. Father was never around how I wanted him to be & for a long time I blamed myself was blind and couldn’t see. Didn’t feel love from the woman that gave me life. Her & I never got along it was always harsh words, built up hostility, & strife. Feeling like the black sheep of my family, Didn’t surprise me when I ended up in the penitentiary. See I never knew how to properly love Really started to believe there was no God up above. See I was the young girl that was built like a grown woman Which made me desirable in the eyes of grown men & back to back they started coming. No self love or worth didn’t realize the value within myself. Reasons why I allowed guys to use me sexually & place me back on a shelf. Lost & lonely in a cruel cruel world Not knowing or realizing the love I truly deserved. Didn’t care how I acted, cared less on how I spoke Almost seen my last days off some hard laced dope. Raped by who I thought was my sister’s friend During it I really wish my life would end. Withdrew from my family & was always depressed I made myself sick; started having health issues because I was down in the dumps beyond stressed. Because I had so much self hate & built up insecurities I gave birth three times for three different men putting up with all the cussing damning & pure foolery. Accepted lies, disrespect, & all types of abuse Started doing drugs & drinking alcohol daily misuse. My heart was empty & cold that’s when I immediately decided to put true love on hold. First baby daddy held a gun to my head daring to blow my brains out is what he said. He left his mark on me with his hand print he was the first hit to my heart which left a major dent. Second baby daddy allowed his family to disrespect me as the mother of his child. So because I didn’t know how to love properly I attempted to poison him, but it was very mild. Third baby daddy chased me for two months before I agreed to a date. I truly thought I had found my soulmate. Little did I know it was all a facade. He ended up in prison & I found myself playing Bonnie to his Clyde risking it all for a fraud. He was the type that if he couldn’t have me no one else could. I spent many restless nights staring out my window waiting to unload the wood. When I finally was set free I vowed to find myself & walk into who I was created to be. New city new state Looking forward to starting over with a clean slate. Started visiting a place I grew up in. I knew there I was able to forgive myself of all my undesirable sins. Then one day I met this man who captured my soul. With his voice and passion in his words I started to feel whole. I began to feel at peace. Everything I was blaming myself for in my past had cease. I had connected to my confidant, protector, what I thought was an amazing man. I supported him in all his endeavors. I was his biggest fan. Daily conversations & chemistry at its best. My heart beat matched his; I could feel it thru his chest. Every time we saw one another it was an instant attraction. I felt like a giddy school girl who just had her first kiss you could see it in my reaction. I had fallen in love with a man who captured my soul spiritually. A man I could learn from about life but most importantly biblically. As time progressed we started to drift apart. I wondered why, come to find out another female was tugging at his heart. The same way he use to look at me with fire in his eye, That flame had been put out & I was left high & dry. He no longer found the desire to love or help me grow. I was thrown back into the river facing backlash from an upstream flow. Unfortunately I had lost my confidant, but it was bound to happen. See the man I fell in love with so happened to be married. Secrets of us was the most heaviest burden I ever carried. Yes yes we both knew our relationship was wrong, But the feelings I had for him were uncontrollable & so strong. My connector had moved on not only with his wife, but with this other female. The feelings he proclaimed to have for me that ship had sailed. Now, back to this cruel cruel world lost, Promising to find myself by any means necessary, no matter the cost.
I allowed you to enter through my heart this time, thinking things just might be different this go ‘round.
You entered through each receiving chamber while breaking down every layer I built with straw.
You flowed freely through my veins, calmly as a stream that lead through my entire body straight to my mind.
You conquered every wave of me, effortlessly, like a captain sailing a ship in well-known waters,
Knowing exactly where to turn, exactly where to slow down, and exactly where to land.
“I love you,” you’d say, with confidence I had never imagined I could fathom.
The words would enter my ear canal, straight to my heart, where each time you say it, the phrase stamps to it like it would a passport,
To remind me of the places you send me, the promises you make, my soul and breath you take.
The last time you said this phrase was followed by the conjunction, “But”.
“But” held so much weight, my body started to shake, not knowing what would come next.
“I need space.”
Space to do what?
“Just space to get my mind together.”
Because of the love I have for you, I grant your wish, while I begin to rebuild the layers of my heart no longer with straw, now with bricks.
~The Vision Blogger~
We begin at a slow pace, close to the middle but not quite there yet. As you gaze lovingly into my eyes, telling me what I want to hear, you spin us slowly with your foot hanging off the side. Having full control now, you’re to your feet spinning me faster and faster, but instead of love in your eyes, there’s fear. Fear of allowing me to make it to that middle chamber which holds the very depth of you, your heart under lock and key. I look away as to not become distracted for the task at hand, to stand as we spin. Stand for you, stand for me, stand for us. Your heart, I hold the key but I’m getting sick to get to this lock. If I can just get there, the fear would cease, I pray. As I build up my strength to take step by step, you’re no longer focused on me. Your hands are in your pockets. You’re walking away until your body is now dark. I spin and spin as it starts to rain, light showers, light thunder, but I sit now just waiting for you to come back and ride with me. Now the ride has completely stopped and all sickness and dizziness relieved. I make my way to the chamber to find there’s no heart, no lock, no key. The very thing I struggled for, became sick for, fought like hell for, compromised myself and what I believe in for, is gone. Then, in the distance there’s a light. The light appears to be similar to my previous designation, another chamber, but it has no lock, the door is open, just open. I step off the ride with no hesitation, no thoughts besides just getting there. As I get closer, I see the chamber is on another ride and you’re there spinning another round, gazing lovingly into her eyes, telling her what she wants to hear with your foot hanging off the side.
~The Vision Blogger~
“Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.”
– Fulton Sheen
Heartbreak, just like Love, is universal. Everyone has experienced it. Some of us have experienced it from family, a significant other, and, even our children. From my own experience, I believe, the biggest issue I may possess is I put a lot of trust and faith in people. I’m the type of person where I always “give the benefit of the doubt”. I have found this to be a blessing and a curse, at times. There’s a blessing in giving people a chance. Sometimes that chance may have been just what they needed to move forward. Now, that chance can be beneficial to you or a life-learned lesson for you, either way that lesson hurt and maybe even more because you took that chance, even after being hurt previously. What I’ve learned through this process is it never stops us from trying again. No matter how many pieces the heart may break into, I’m learning it can always be mended and there’s ALWAYS a blessing believing that much. The featured poets wrote about different types of Heartbreak that we all have felt at one point in time or, even, right at this very moment. Enjoy.
“I wish i were a little girl again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken heart.”
– Julia Roberts
“The End All” By James Newell
“How Did This Happen To Me?” By Zahra Bailey
“The Last Time” By Ariel Mond
“Turbulent Roller-Coaster Ride” By Kenisha Jones
“Torn” By Laquiesha Duncan
“In My Feelings” By Rhoshonda Adkison
“How Could A Dad Break Your Heart” By Octavia Jones
“The Merry-Go-Round of You” By Ebony D. Miles
“The Merry-Go-Round of You” by Ebony D. Miles
“Turbulent Roller-Coaster Ride” by Kenisha Jones
“In My Feelings” by Rhoshonda Adkison
“Torn” by Laquiesha Duncan
“How Could A Dad Break Your Heart” by Octavia Jones
“How Did This Happen to Me?” by Zahra Bailey
“The Last Time” by Ariel Mond
“The End All” by James Newell
This morning, God gave me a glimpse of a smile I had never seen before on my face. I was in the middle of the dance floor, staring at a figure, but I couldn’t see their face. Calvin Richardson’s “Can’t Let Go” was playing in the background and all I could focus on was the figure’s lips moving with the words of the song. In my hands, I felt fabric of a dress, which I could have possibly be trying to keep off the floor as I swayed to the beat of the song. Then, I realized, I’m driving to work. Could this be my wedding day I see? The thought became crazy because it’s not that I’m giving up on love, but marriage it’s starting to feel like a gray-area I’ll never enter. Yet, I still believe, and wish, and pray, and hope, and dream, then just smile them all away. So, I continue on to my destination and as the radio plays, Calvin Richardson’s “Can’t Let Go” begins. Light, small tears start to form in the corners of my eyes as I sing along, remembering the smile God just showed me. The hopes and dreams come right back to make me believe God won’t forget about me.