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Relax….It’s Not About You

                            “Why me?” “Why, out of all people, am I going through this?” “What did I do to deserve this?” These are just a few questions that, we as humans, ask ourselves on a day to day basis. Trust me. I am one of them. I can, honestly, say that I don’t ask these questions as often as I had before, but I have asked them more than just a few. I came across the attached video on Facebook one morning and at first, I shared it. I, immediately, took it down because I had an “AHA” moment, so to speak. There are many sermons preached that replay in my mind that I have heard over the years, but two in particular came to mind when I saw this video. One sermon was called, “Get Out Your Feelings, It Ain’t Even About You”. My sister in Christ talked about how different things that we go through in life is not for us. It’s ultimately for God to get glory out of us. Another sermon topic, given by my brother-in-law, was called, “Why Not You?” I never forgot that sermon because I was going through a lot during that time where I asked God almost everyday, “Why me?” and I asked myself, “Why not me? I’m strong enough to take this. God has instilled enough in me to go through this.”

                As the woman spoke in the video about all the prayers that her and her husband prayed had been answered except that one, it made me think of all of my unanswered prayers, as well as, my answered ones that I was not quite ready for. What I mean by that is, a lot of things we ask God for, we want them in our hearts, but we are not ready for these things to come to pass. We could either not be emotionally or financially ready, or we just aren’t mature enough to handle the thing we’re asking for. An example for me would be, while my children’s father was sick, I would pray for him all the time. Most of the time, I would pray for him more than myself. One morning, we had a HUGE argument and I remember on the drive to work, I asked God to heal him on this side (EARTH) or the other side (HEAVEN). I just knew that things could be better; they just had to. I asked GOD to do this believing that HE could handle it, but not knowing in what way He was going to do it. When Jerod passed away, I asked GOD all of those questions that, we as humans, ask. “WHY?” My sister in Christ reminded me of what I asked God to do, and now, I was upset that GOD heard me, but didn’t answer the way I wanted HIM to. It took me a short time to realize that what I went through was not only for me, but it was to show someone else how, after something happens in your life that changes your entire world so suddenly, GOD will show you, that HE still answers prayers, will continue to bless you in the middle of what you are going through, and, most of all, how to trust HIM more. I went through to help someone else get through.

roller coaster

My pastor gave the illustration in revival the other night in the form of an analogy of life and a roller coaster. At the roller coaster, there is a line of people waiting to get on the ride. While waiting for your turn, you see others enjoying the ride all the way around. You may, even, see some people crying, falling out, wondering when this ride is going to end. Remember, in this line, you are watching them. You are watching them go through this ride, as well as, how they are handling the ride and you make a choice. How will you handle the ride when your turn comes because it’s coming around? The Bible says in 1 Peter 4:12-13 King James Version (KJV), “ Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you. But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.” In my studies, I have found the Message Bible give better understandings to most scriptures. It says regarding this same scripture, “Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.” This further lets me know that everything that goes on in my life, every trial, every test, is for God to get glory out of me.

All in all, we hear the saying all the time that this world was not meant to be easy. We are all going to go through SOMETHING, whether big or small, and what may be big to me, may be small to you, but that’s because GOD never puts more on us than we, as the individual, can handle. Just get through it. We have to realize, through life, we’re not the only ones going through and won’t be the last. So, get the test, go through the test with God at your side to guide, pass it, and help someone else going through the same test get through. Be Blessed.share

Trust….A Key To Happiness?

trust4One of my children’s father’s favorite sayings were, “I trust you to do what you are going to do.” His statement meant that he never fully trusted anyone. He trusted them to do exactly what they wanted to do, even if it meant only pleasing themselves or not having regards for another person’s feelings. I would always tell him he could trust me along with, what I would consider, showing him the same. I would rarely go out to have any type of fun without him. I would disconnect my personal cellphone and have anyone who needed to contact me call his phone. These are just two of the many things I did to try to make him feel like he could trust me. After he passed, I found out some information about our time together as a couple that made me rethink and, kind of, change my prospective of him and our relationship.

(Note: I will not go into detail about what I found out and this is only out of respect of his children. When it is explained to them, I will explain it to you. Until then, please do not form your own conclusion. Thank you.)

At the present moment I am not looking for a husband, but I am looking forward to being found, for the Bible states in Proverbs 18:22 that “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Therefore, my husband will find me. So, what concerns me is what condition he will find me in. My relationship with my children’s father took a toll on me. Sometimes, it drained me and even after he passed, it frustrated me. I thought for months how foolish, manipulated, hurt, and confused I was and how I would never allow myself to be in that predicament again. For this reason, how do I trust again after knowing that at anytime I could be lied to and not know it. I could find myself falling for him and can’t truly trust him because of my past. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know, from my standpoint, I tend to allow some past situations to dictate my future or how far I want to go.trust5

I know, from my experience in being in a long, committed relationship, there are many other qualities both parties must possess in order for it to work. There’s trust, communication skills (not great, but at least some), respect, consideration for the other person’s feelings, and being able to be understanding, and at times, being able to compromise. A lot of people would cringe at that last one, especially women, being that we, most of the time say that we will not go for something because of our high standards. I, for one, don’t have a lot of standards, but there are some things that I require before I think about having a relationship with a man. I won’t go into that special list because you have to be ever so careful what you tell people because they will, sometimes, try to conform themselves to be all that you want so that they can have all of you. With this list, I am learning that there is no such thing as a perfect human being, so, in no way, do I feel like I’m going to have a man who has everything on that list. I am willing to, most of the time, take 3 out of 5, on a good day. LOL

trust2Honestly, all of this talk is well and good, but absolutely means nothing if I don’t trust GOD. On the night my children’s father passed, one of the main things I remember screaming to HIM, as I sat in the waiting room at the hospital, is, “Even though he’s gone, I WILL STILL TRUST YOU!” I remember saying those words over and over again in the mist of my tears. To tell you the truth, those words have been tested ever since I said them almost a year ago. My faith in HIM has, truly, been proved. So, the answer to my question is, YES, TRUST is the key to happiness. I have found that once I fully trust in HIM and HIS plans for my life, everything else would fall into place. In many of my relationships, and especially my last one, I depended more on my mate and how he felt. Once I became single again, I understood God makes no mistakes and uses things that happen in our lives to wake us up and, even, draw us closer to HIM. I have decided that I don’t need GOD to give me anymore signs to trust HIM more. I will start and finish this race, TRUSTING HIM. Be Blessed.trust3

Walking It Out

walkingA few months ago, for the first time, I walked a full three miles. It was the Harris County 5K Walk. It happens every year after our health challenge. Hundreds of county employees come together and walk five kilometers (which I just found out was 3.107 Miles. I don’t know why I thought 5K meant 5 miles. Please, don’t judge me. LOL) We had a little late start because I waited for one of my co-workers to come, so I didn’t have to walk by myself. I decided to take my babies with me. We started a little after everyone had gotten off to a nice start and as we walked, it seemed like the crowd became farther and farther away from us.

There were a few stops here and there because I had my three wonderful children with me. The entire walk was an amazing and eye-opening experience for us. As we started out, I started to take in the scenery and beauty of the grass, trees, and just everything. As we started walking, we all had a huge momentum. I mean, we hit it full force. We had not even hit mile one when the walk became a little harder for the kids. At mile one, there was a group giving out water. I didn’t want any, but of course the kids wanted some. That little break slowed us down even more. People who started way after us started to pass us by. When we got to mile two, there was another water station and there were kids there to show us a short cut to get back to the front, but I was determined to finish. My mom ended up calling me to check on us because everyone had made it to the finish line. After that phone call, it felt like forever getting to the finish. Elijah tells me, “Mom, I hear the music.” I could hear it but I never thought that it was the music from the finish line. Minutes later, we see a sign that says “MILE 3”, which was just a few steps away from the finish line.

So, this experience reminded me of life and, especially, my walk with God. I know, for me, when I first excepted Christ into my life, knowingly, I had this unexplainable excitement and zeal for God, the same feeling I had at the start of the walk. The more I walked, the more I started to realize that I didn’t really give my children a choice whether or not they wanted to walk with me. I felt like I was dragging them. In life, there will not be many people excited for you in your new found freedom or be able to accept you or run along with you. Furthermore, you won’t be able to bring everybody with you. Some of your family and friends can’t go where you are going in life for numerous reasons including, they don’t have the same heart or mindset to move forward. The object is to stay the course and keep your focus on the mark. No one knows where the finish line is nor do we know how close or how far it is. We just have to get there. We can make it!!!! Be Blessed.believe you can

Patience…..

On Saturday, I went to Walmart, which is one of my all-time favorite stores, in search of four t-shirts with a superhero on it. Needless to say, as usual, I ended up coming out of the store with more than what I went in for. One of those items was a Crockpot, a.k.a. “Slow-cookpatience3er”. Lately, I have tried to become a lot more open to things that I wouldn’t normally try out of fear. You’ll have to stick around for the blog about my fears to understand why. Since I bought it, on sale I might add, I have searched for different recipes to try. Today, I cooked barbeque ribs. The recipe called for the ribs to cook on low for 8-10 hours or on high for 4-6 hours. Of course, I put it on high because I was home sick and didn’t need it to take all day to cook. Being that I knew the time frame it was going to take, it didn’t stop me from checking it, which felt like, to me, every five minutes. When I’m cooking, I’m used to a certain aroma filling the house. While these ribs were in process, I wasn’t smelling that sweet fragrance of the honey barbecue sauce I put on top. Because I knew that the ribs were going to take a long time, I cooked something else in the oven, at the same time I put the ribs on, that I knew would only take an hour to cook, just in case the kids or I became hungry before the ribs were ready. This process helped me today because a lot of times, I find myself doing this in my life.

I am not ashamed to say that I am apart of the “microwave era” or “microwave generation”. We want everything done right away, sometimes without having to wait or work hard for it. And, I can speak for myself, I will try to find something to “help me out while I wait”, which sometimes just becomes a temporary fix and, most of the time, unfulfilling. Where I see this analogy most, is in relationships. I don’t have a long list of qualities that I believe my ideal guy would have, but I do have a list. At times, I will bypass some things that I am not all the way comfortable with for the fact of me not wanting to be alone or, even, passing up who might really be for me. It doesn’t have to only be in dating, but in friendships as well. Another example would be in choosing where to live. My children’s father and I moved in with my mom when our youngest son was born in May of 2013. We tried everything in our power to move out because we knew we needed our own. We took all kinds of risks where it left us broke and, even, got us caught up in a scam. We were willing to make whatever sacrifice needed in order to move out of my mother’s house, even if we could not afford it. We didn’t even have to like the area or the appearance. It was just a place to stay.patience1

I know from my own life’s lessons, you have to be very careful and specific in what you ask God for.  From experience, I have come to the conclusion that if I ask God to help me with my patience, I’m going to end up learning how to wait for something that I so deeply desire. Now, I am learning to wait on God myself. What I do ask for is His guidance and direction, so I won’t be lead astray. God knows my heart and my desires. He knows what I want, and He’s the only one who knows what I need. I’m learning more and more daily to totally depend and trust in Him and His plans for me. My next question would be, what do I do while I wait? I praise and thank Him for what I already have. Be blessed.

About Last Night…….

Happy October Everyone! It’s amazing how in just three months, 2015 will be over. As the year is coming to a close, I have no cdark roadhoice, but to reflect on the events that have happened this year and ways to have an AWESOME 2016. Last night was the first class of my church’s 30-week 3D Expository Class. The first lesson was about studying and how to do it properly and effectively. My pastor gave GREAT information in a very understanding way. So, my question, at the end of the class, was how do you choose what to study? Growing up, I was told that if you wake up in the middle of the night, God trying to talk to you. I’m not going to lie. I would start out praying and usually would fall asleep, not knowing what else to do or say. Because I did not want it to be to where I was falling asleep on God, I would try to read my BIBLE, but I never knew what to read. The Word Of God has so much information in it that I never knew where to start. It’s funny, now, but I used to say wherever I open that’s what God wants me to read for that day, but I still had no understanding of anything. My pastor told me, in studying, start with your weaknesses and go from there. And it makes all the sense in the world to start off finding what God says about areas that you are weak in.

Last night, I had a dream. Normally, I can’t remember the life-changing dreams ever to tell anybody. Thankfully, I started typing with it still fresh on my mind. In this dream, I, and someone else very close to me, was placed in an old house that was, literally, in the middle of nowhere and was told that we had to find our way back. Normally, in my mind, I would think that whoever placed us here would cover our faces to where we could not see the route, but I saw us being pushed to this old house. After getting our instructions, we tried to walk down the street, going back the same way we got there, and the further we got, the darker it became. We could not see anything but trees. I could not even see my hands and no longer see the house behind us. We stopped realizing that we were getting nowhere fast. By that time, FEAR starts to settle in. In my sleep, I started to feel uncomfortable and afraid, but the dream continued. I started to cry uncontrollably. I realize, now as I type this, that I didn’t scream not one time. The person I was with, screamed the entire time, calling on everyone else, but God. I start to recognize that we were not going to make it out of that place by doing the things that we were so accustomed to doing when feeling like there was no way out of a situation. I, finally, started to pray and asked God to guide us out of this place. Immediately, there was a white light that appeared at the d536d0f12c1f5c0b19e3d20d583f83cfend of the road. We walked toward it. In my sleep, I could feel this PEACE come over my body like no other. The crazy part is, it took not even a minute of walking to get back to where we started out at; where we were pushed. Letting me know, that if we would have just kept walking, instead of stopping, we would have made there. When we arrived, the person that placed us there said, “It took you a shorter time than most people.”

I know as time goes on, I am going to get so many different revelations of this dream. Right now, I’m still in amazement at the PEACE that I felt as I walked toward the LIGHT. It was the most amazing feeling. Having this dream right after going to a BIBLE class that, ultimately, changed my life perspective, made me think more about what my weaknesses are. Most people would, unhesitatingly, think about areas that you sin in on a day-to-day basis. But, for me, some of my weaknesses are: breaking down when I should be believing and trusting, being afraid to make mistakes, and allowing my emotions to take over decisions that I make. Needless to say, these are just a few things that I need to work on in my walk with God. But I feel as I walk closer and closer to and with the LIGHT of the World, I can’t lose. Be Blessed!

Fire & Ice

Ice- Once touched, the sensation of it only last for a short period of time. If held too long, whatever touches it most of the time becomes numb or the ice will fade before.

Fire- When touched, the sensation is unforgettable. Most of the time it leaves a mark to remind you how it felt, but if you stay there too long, whatever touches it will either withers away or loses it’s value.

I came up with this conclusion after finding myself in a very awkward position in my close relationships. There seemed to be a pattern. Of course, being human, fire is always going to be more enticing because it’s exciting, you can become mesmerized by its beauty, and, moreover, it’s untouchable. You never really think twice about ice because it’s only there for that brief time, or what you just needed at the moment. Whether we want to admit it or not, as humans, we use other humans to get what we want or need. You can come up with your own many examples. Being newly single, I have had to cling more to God and what he wants me to do. I have found that depending on people to give you what you want or need, or what you think you want or need, can never be fully fulfilled because they are human just like you.