Tag Archives: Heartbreak

MY TESTIMONY-GOD HAS DONE IT AGAIN

First, I have to say, God is absolutely AMAZING & FAITHFUL. He does just what He says He’ll do. He’s never short in His promises. When I declared “Today is going to be a GREAT day” on yesterday, I never fathomed what God was going to do for me. I’m still in amazement and in awe of who He is in my life. I love God! He is EVERYTHING to me and I am FOREVER His servant. Not for what He does only but for who HE is.

Second, God has revealed soooo much to me about myself in the last four years, I’ll never be able to fully explain it. I learned who I truly was in Him and He strategically placed many people in my life to keep me going and growing in Him and through my VISION. So, it was somewhat hard for me to leave my last job at the Tax Office because I knew I was comfortable. I was also working towards being a Lead Clerk, but there, you had to really be in good with the right people to be promoted.

I left there and went to work with my mom in the Justice Courts, where I had volunteered periodically since high school. Little did I know, 3 months after starting the job, my children’s father would pass leaving me heartbroken and somewhat confused about what God was actually doing in my life. At the same time I felt relieved. My children’s father was my entire life. I loved him with everything in me, but losing him drew me even more closer to God. Also, at the new job I was able to take the time I needed to truly heal and grieve at my leisure. I wouldn’t have been able to do that at the Tax Office.

As time went on, I began to learn almost every aspect of the Courts. I worked hard with truly no intention of ever being promoted maybe for years to come. I knew I would be qualified because of what I knew and my work ethics, but set my mind and heart to believe I wouldn’t be able to be promoted. Not only because the current Supervisors didn’t plan on retiring for years, but because people would believe my mother, who is the chief clerk, would only give me the position because I was her daughter, not because I knew the job and worked hard at it.

In the previous school year, Edwin, Jr. starts kindergarten and begins having issues EVERYDAY. He is later diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Behavior. You can read more about that process in the following link: https://thevisionblogger.com/2019/02/07/yesterday-was-tough/ During the school year, I had a bit of relief because there were people in place at his school to help redirect him if need be, being that the medicine only did so much.

The summer didn’t start off so great. He was getting ready to be removed from the summer program. Just days ago, we started a new medication along with what he’s already taking. It looks like things are much better for now and I believe God is working on that as well. I’m grateful and relieved because in two weeks I will be starting a new position as the new “Traffic Department Supervisor” in another Justice of the Peace Court.

I was interviewed along with others for the position and found myself just happy to even be considered for the opportunity to have an interview. I started the process with the mindset, “God, if it’s for me, it’s for me. If it’s not, it’s not and I’m okay with that.” But God knew what I wanted and He knew exactly what I needed to provide fully for myself and my children. Even after having what was intended for my children be stolen by someone who was connected to their father, God has replaced that and more.

Things I’ve learned through this process:

  • I will never underestimate what God can and will do for me. He has a Will and it’s all I want.
  • I will never underestimate myself or count myself out and make myself believe outside of what God has promised. He is faithful and if He promised it, I dare not allow the enemy or even myself to make me believe His promise won’t be manifested.
  • I will never apologize for what God has placed on the inside of me to fulfill work in the Kingdom and the World. I love me and the way God has made and molded me. I am yet and still on the potter’s wheel and will never be unreachable or unteachable.

I am a witness. God never puts more on you than you can bear. If He allows you to go through it, He’s equipped you with what you need to stand any test or trial. I am ELATED to learn what’s next to come in this journey of life. This short story had to be told to help someone understand and witness through me that God is strategic in everything he does. He has a plan. Don’t be distracted by the pain and short detours. Don’t allow them to make you miss the moment God is using to show you what He wants to do in your life. You may not even understand it all, but find solitude in the fact that He understands it all. He has a plan and purpose. He’s GOD! My prayer DAILY is for someone to be blessed in what God has taken me through, favored me with, and endowed me to do with my hands. Check out my previous post as well with my top 13 Motivational Quotes for moving forward here: https://thevisionblogger.com/2019/06/20/motivational-quotes-for-moving-forward/

Be Blessed.

“Dear Love, Thanks..Again” By Ebony D. Miles

Dear Love,

Thanks..again.

For getting my hopes up..again.

For Making me believe in you..again.

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For Allowing me to open up to you…again.

All for what?

To get hurt? Again and again?

I’m on the brink of being done with you.. again.

But this heart just won’t allow me to give up on you…again.

My body Will still long for you..again.

But Why? What did i do to you for you to hurt me..again?

Here i am questioning myself..again.

Wondering if I’m not woman enough…again.

Wondering if I’m even capable of being loved..again.

But all i have is visions of what could be.

Visions of what I’m destined to have.

Visions of what i believe i deserve

But i wonder do i truly deserve it..again?

So thanks love..again.

For fooling me once again.

For bringing the tears..again.

Asking God to hear my cry…again.

Thinking He must be tired of me about this..again.

So.. thanks love..again.

Sincerely,

~The Vision Blogger~

“The Unveiling of Her” By Ariel Mond

My my my, where should I begin Shaped in iniquity born into sin. Father was never around how I wanted him to be & for a long time I blamed myself was blind and couldn’t see. Didn’t feel love from the woman that gave me life. Her & I never got along it was always harsh words, built up hostility, & strife. Feeling like the black sheep of my family, Didn’t surprise me when I ended up in the penitentiary. See I never knew how to properly love Really started to believe there was no God up above. See I was the young girl that was built like a grown woman Which made me desirable in the eyes of grown men & back to back they started coming. No self love or worth didn’t realize the value within myself. Reasons why I allowed guys to use me sexually & place me back on a shelf. Lost & lonely in a cruel cruel world Not knowing or realizing the love I truly deserved. Didn’t care how I acted, cared less on how I spoke Almost seen my last days off some hard laced dope. Raped by who I thought was my sister’s friend During it I really wish my life would end. Withdrew from my family & was always depressed I made myself sick; started having health issues because I was down in the dumps beyond stressed. Because I had so much self hate & built up insecurities I gave birth three times for three different men putting up with all the cussing damning & pure foolery. Accepted lies, disrespect, & all types of abuse Started doing drugs & drinking alcohol daily misuse. My heart was empty & cold that’s when I immediately decided to put true love on hold. First baby daddy held a gun to my head daring to blow my brains out is what he said. He left his mark on me with his hand print he was the first hit to my heart which left a major dent. Second baby daddy allowed his family to disrespect me as the mother of his child. So because I didn’t know how to love properly I attempted to poison him, but it was very mild. Third baby daddy chased me for two months before I agreed to a date. I truly thought I had found my soulmate. Little did I know it was all a facade. He ended up in prison & I found myself playing Bonnie to his Clyde risking it all for a fraud. He was the type that if he couldn’t have me no one else could. I spent many restless nights staring out my window waiting to unload the wood. When I finally was set free I vowed to find myself & walk into who I was created to be. New city new state Looking forward to starting over with a clean slate. Started visiting a place I grew up in. I knew there I was able to forgive myself of all my undesirable sins. Then one day I met this man who captured my soul. With his voice and passion in his words I started to feel whole. I began to feel at peace. Everything I was blaming myself for in my past had cease. I had connected to my confidant, protector, what I thought was an amazing man. I supported him in all his endeavors. I was his biggest fan. Daily conversations & chemistry at its best. My heart beat matched his; I could feel it thru his chest. Every time we saw one another it was an instant attraction. I felt like a giddy school girl who just had her first kiss you could see it in my reaction. I had fallen in love with a man who captured my soul spiritually. A man I could learn from about life but most importantly biblically. As time progressed we started to drift apart. I wondered why, come to find out another female was tugging at his heart. The same way he use to look at me with fire in his eye, That flame had been put out & I was left high & dry. He no longer found the desire to love or help me grow. I was thrown back into the river facing backlash from an upstream flow. Unfortunately I had lost my confidant, but it was bound to happen. See the man I fell in love with so happened to be married. Secrets of us was the most heaviest burden I ever carried. Yes yes we both knew our relationship was wrong, But the feelings I had for him were uncontrollable & so strong. My connector had moved on not only with his wife, but with this other female. The feelings he proclaimed to have for me that ship had sailed. Now, back to this cruel cruel world lost, Promising to find myself by any means necessary, no matter the cost.

~Ariel Mond~

 

“The Merry-Go-Round of You” by Ebony D. Miles

 

efd8f637bae1ed89354fb681c34ee4c23973760859626879600.jpgWe begin at a slow pace, close to the middle but not quite there yet. As you gaze lovingly into my eyes, telling me what I want to hear, you spin us slowly with your foot hanging off the side. Having full control now, you’re to your feet spinning me faster and faster, but instead of love in your eyes, there’s fear. Fear of allowing me to make it to that middle chamber which holds the very depth of you, your heart under lock and key. I look away as to not become distracted for the task at hand, to stand as we spin. Stand for you, stand for me, stand for us. Your heart, I hold the key but I’m getting sick to get to this lock. If I can just get there, the fear would cease, I pray. As I build up my strength to take step by step, you’re no longer focused on me. Your hands are in your pockets. You’re walking away until your body is now dark. I spin and spin as it starts to rain, light showers, light thunder, but I sit now just waiting for you to come back and ride with me. Now the ride has completely stopped and all sickness and dizziness relieved. I make my way to the chamber to find there’s no heart, no lock, no key. The very thing I struggled for, became sick for, fought like hell for, compromised myself and what I believe in for, is gone. Then, in the distance there’s a light. The light appears to be similar to my previous designation, another chamber, but it has no lock, the door is open, just open. I step off the ride with no hesitation, no thoughts besides just getting there. As I get closer, I see the chamber is on another ride and you’re there spinning another round, gazing lovingly into her eyes, telling her what she wants to hear with your foot hanging off the side.

~The Vision Blogger~

 

“Heartbreak” With The Vision Blogger, Family, & Friends

“Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them.”
– Fulton Sheen

3c785c885e8e65db2c26cbdd843c2e391253507314906029409.jpgHeartbreak, just like Love, is universal. Everyone has experienced it. Some of us have experienced it from family, a significant other, and, even our children. From my own experience, I believe, the biggest issue I may possess is I put a lot of trust and faith in people. I’m the type of person where I always “give the benefit of the doubt”. I have found this to be a blessing and a curse, at times. There’s a blessing in giving people a chance. Sometimes that chance may have been just what they needed to move forward. Now, that chance can be beneficial to you or a life-learned lesson for you, either way that lesson hurt and maybe even more because you took that chance, even after being hurt previously. What I’ve learned through this process is it never stops us from trying again. No matter how many pieces the heart may break into, I’m learning it can always be mended and there’s ALWAYS a blessing believing that much. The featured poets wrote about different types of Heartbreak that we all have felt at one point in time or, even, right at this very moment. Enjoy.

“I wish i were a little girl again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken heart.”
– Julia Roberts

“The Merry-Go-Round of You” by Ebony D. Miles

“Turbulent Roller-Coaster Ride” by Kenisha Jones

“In My Feelings” by Rhoshonda Adkison

“Torn” by Laquiesha Duncan

“How Could A Dad Break Your Heart” by Octavia Jones

“How Did This Happen to Me?” by Zahra Bailey

“The Last Time” by Ariel Mond

“The End All” by James Newell

“Love, In A Sense” By Ebony D. Miles

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The touch it gives places me in a space of comfort and safety when I am neither content nor protected.

I lay my sight upon its face with eyes filled with pureness and generosity, which can only be given by a true lover or a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

As the well-known song is played bursting with ready-made promises, I defend its character instantly and put my trust in these common lyrics that tend to attach themselves to my heart like stitches, binding the wounds made by another.

As my tears flood my ears, like the lyrics, feelings of hope and peace wipe them away, giving a sense I thought I lost.

The taste of my sweetness on the lips of this imagination displays willingness to devour all of me with no limits, giving the complacency of love to take a good grip.

With all these senses, I gain remorse and shame, despair and agony, resentment and anger, which cost me my ambition, my confidence, and nearly my life.

This love gave me sense. Sense enough to live, even if it was just a fantasy.

~Ebony D. Miles, The Vision Blogger~

My Heart is Being Held Hostage

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In life, as humans, we allow things that happen in our lives to hinder us from moving forward. I am guilty of doing this several times and not just in the past seven months, but most of my entire life. I have let fear, unhappiness, and anger cause me to become stagnant going absolutely no where. I let fear of being hurt or rejected cause me not to do something or go somewhere. I let unhappy situations or lifestyles hinder my growth as a person causing me to settle for what I did not deserve. I allowed anger to scrutinize every person I meet or come in contact with. I have come to the conclusion that I no longer want my past to hinder me from receiving what God has for me. I have learned, more now than ever, that if I am destined to have something or someone, be somebody, or go somewhere, it has to happen. The only person who can stop it is me.

In an activity with some of the ladies from my church, we had three strips of paper. On one strip, we wrote our God-given name. On the second, we wrote our nickname. On the last one, we wrote something that is important to us. As a mother, I was going to immediately say my children because they are my life. But, the woman giving the assignment stated that we could not put our children. So, I began to think about something immaterial that is important to me. My Heart. I love with so much power and might that I sometimes neglect myself, my well-being, and even my dignity. I have never regretted loving anyone with this type of love, no matter how much it hurt me in the end. In showing this type of love, my heart has been broken into several pieces many times to where I felt it could never be mended back together. Even in the mist of being in pieces, I would always allow love to be given and taken in. I have found that my heart is being held in an open glass. I’ve been holding it hostage, trying to protect it and I have found that The more and more I try, the more vulnerable I become.

I have to move forward from here. I deserve every piece of love my heart can hold. And it starts with me. I am going to love every part of me without limits. I am going to love myself with a vengeance, an unrecognizable, unexplainable force. I want this love for me to be so strong that it spills over into everything I do and who I come in contact with. I will love again and I’m going to love so hard that instead of my heart shattering, if it is ever hurt again, it will have just a missing piece. My love will be so strong that I can put it back.