To Question or Not To Question?
I know people have said never to question God, but I’m sorry, I do. Not knocking anyone who feels otherwise, but for me, I believe I can ask God ANYTHING and if it be His Will, I’ll receive an answer. I believe we all receive answers to many questions not through words, but mostly through actions. Have you ever gone another direction you never intended going, get a little frustrated because you realize going that way would take you longer to get to your destination? You ask God, “Why would you let me go that way?” God says nothing. Then, you find out if you would’ve gone your previous direction, you would’ve got caught in the middle of a situation that had the possibility to create even more damage than you imagined. God never had to say a word. He showed you the situation He protected you from. So, yes, I ask God why, and He answers.
On April 8, 2021, my entire world was rocked when I was terminated from my position with Harris County after almost 11 years of service (1 1/2 as a temporary, 9 1/2 permanent). I spoke about how much of a blessing it was to be placed in the Supervisor position almost 2 years ago. Little did I know, I was set up to go through the most hectic emotional roller coaster ride I have ever experienced in my life. I became extremely frustrated many days, upset, happy, upset again, which later turned into depression where I literally cried all the way to work and on the way home on numerous occasions.
I had heard many stories about my previous boss before I became hired, but I am the type to always have my own experience and try not to form an opinion based on what others say about a person or experience. Things were rocky from the beginning, but things took a drastic turn for the worse probably 4 months ago when I was reprimanded for receiving several personal phone calls while I was out sick (which could never be proven when asked to see the call log) and after finding a personal notebook on my desk, I was told I should not have a blog being that it could jeopardize my job. Even before then, there were things that transpired that created a hostile work environment. I finally realized things would never get better once my previous boss told me that she could not trust me and could not work with someone that she could not trust. Those words shook me to my core because she formed a distrust for me based on rumors she claimed I said about her involving a close relative of mine, which have yet to be proven. Surprisingly, this is what she placed in my letter, along with a mistake I made three months ago as reasons for my termination.
I am convinced the termination came when I asked to speak to the people she claimed stated I started the rumor. As quick as I asked was as quick as the termination process began to happen right before my very eyes. I went to my car for lunch the day before, drove to the back of the parking lot and cried until I felt I could cry no more. I questioned God. I felt like God had literally left me to rot there. Throughout my emotional roller coaster ride, I asked Him several times if I should stay because I never wanted to be out of the Will of God or move prematurely before I received the lesson or the blessing. I believed God had me there for a purpose. I don’t believe God allows things to just happen to us or place us in certain places or circumstances for fun. I do believe we go through to learn something, receive strength for the next place in our lives, and/or to show someone else God’s glory. What started out as a cry asking God why and telling Him to just remember me and everything He took me through, turned into a praise and a worship I would have never imagined to fall from my lips. At that moment, I said, “Whatever you do, I’m with it. Whatever they plan to do, allow them to do it quickly.” The next day, I walked in the building with a smile on my face and as I was escorted out by deputies, I grabbed my items with that same smile, made it to the parking lot, shook the dust off my feet, and drove away never to look back.
I will never underestimate myself or count myself out and make myself believe outside of what God has promised. He is faithful and if He promised it, I dare not allow the enemy or even myself to make me believe His promise won’t be manifested.Excerpt from MY TESTIMONY-GOD HAS DONE IT AGAIN
When I talked about this position being a blessing, there were things I learned through that process I feel I am relearning even through this. Ironically, I have not cried one time since this day. At first, I was wondering if I was just holding it all in like I normally do to somehow showcase my strength in a sense. But, in these past few weeks, I have had so much peace, it has been unfathomable. What may seem like a truly messed up situation, this may sound downright crazy, but it showcased God’s love for me. He heard me. He heard my cry. He heard my plea. I remember telling God one day if He had to remove me from what I was so familiar with to give me the Peace I needed, so be it.
Of course, as a single mother and human, you go through those different ideas and thoughts of what’s next. If “I’m just out here trusting God” was a person, it’s me. I am solely leaning and depending on God for what’s next for my life. For now, I am pushing my business, “Vision Tees and Things”, I started last year and writing which will always be my first love. I am spending more time with God and with my children. I encourage anyone and everyone to just trust God. He has a plan and purpose. I know it may look bad. I know it feels bad, but He has already equipped you with exactly what you need to press through. Trust in the process. The promise is coming. I guarantee. This is not just a cliché. I will be the proof. Be Blessed.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philipians 4:7