Tag Archives: Vision

BROKEN PIECES IN LOVE

Over two years ago, I was involved in a car accident. It was said that an accident happened behind me and pushed into my car. The third car spun in the air and landed to the right of me facing the other direction and I don’t even know how the car ended up on the left of me, but I was surrounded by damaged vehicles on every side except in the front. My vehicle was the only one able to be driven off the freeway, being that I only suffered damage from behind. Pieces from one of the cars sat on my bumper on the way to get the kids, on the ride home, and even on my way to work the next day, tucked over to the right side. I didn’t notice the pile of glass and screws until I was headed to lunch, while examining the damages in detail before driving off. I decided to get a piece of paper from my car and remove the pieces to the ground so I wouldn’t cut my hand, but I needed to move them out of the way in case I caused any damage to my tire trying to drive away from that spot. As I moved the pieces, I had to sweep them even further as to not damage any other person’s tires. Those broken pieces of glass lead me to believe this is how we do some of our relationships. You can either be the broken pieces sitting on someone’s bumper or you can be the holder of the broken pieces. Either way, both can be uncomfortable.

Be careful causing other’s to bleed from pieces of glass they didn’t break.

My children’s father and I were together for 6 1/2 years before he passed, which left me full of grief, bitterness, and anger. Now, at that time, I wasn’t honest with myself about those particular feelings, but one feeling I was most clear about was loneliness, which was normal after having someone laying next to you everyday for 6 years and suddenly you are alone. I was VERY reluctant on getting in another relationship after experiencing those emotions all at once. I, truly, didn’t want to believe, as a mother of three very small children at the time, I would even be liked let alone loved unconditionally by a man anyway. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen many single mothers and fathers get into happy and long relationships after a heartbreak, but that way of thinking I had was a reflection of how I felt about myself. I didn’t have nearly the level of confidence I have in myself now compared to then.

Now, I have only had one or two serious relationships since my ex’s passing. The one thing I tried my best to consider in those relationships were not allowing that particular person to pay for the emotions brought on by someone previously. Just like the pile on my bumper, I didn’t want someone to have to hold on to my broken pieces trying to love me. I knew my heart wanted to love again, but I was afraid. I was afraid of wasting my time. I was afraid of being lied to again. I was afraid of even getting my hopes to be let down. All of those fears led me to not actually be serious about a relationship. I was just meeting guys to talk on the phone to sort of fill the void of companionship. Not saying I don’t have those fears still at times, but I’m learning when you allow God to truly guard and guide your heart, you can’t go wrong. There are situations we put ourselves in for whatever reason that may be, but I’ve found God will allow those situations to teach us lessons and show us what He might have been trying to protect us from.

Be careful trying to love people whole. You may end up losing some of your pieces.

With me trying not to have my broken pieces held, I’ve found myself being the holder of others’. One particular man I was with was deeply hurt in his previous relationship with his children’s mother. I found myself losing my marbles trying to understand why he tended to kind of shut down when things were going in a good direction. Through many conversations, I learned the hurt he experienced caused him not to be able to fully expect good in a relationship. He just wanted to “ride the waves” and I felt like I made more waves with my irrational behavior caused by me not fully understanding what I tried my best not to do in a relationship. I thought me being there and continuing to love him through everything would make it all better, but I had to learn the hard way it would never be possible. While he tried to protect me from his broken pieces, I found myself trying to piece them back together, so to speak, while literally cutting my hands in the process.

Studying the meaning of these pieces left on my car allowed me to take a step back and realize the parts I’ve played in my own heartbreak and even good relationships I messed up with my own hands. First, I had to forgive myself for those parts and trust the process of becoming whole. I knew I could never have a successful relationship if I didn’t deal with things internally within myself. I knew I wouldn’t be able to be receptive to the type of love and companionship I desired. I would just continue to cut others with my broken pieces and even ones I’ve picked up from other’s damages. Second, I had to learn how to effectively love myself. I can almost bet there are millions around the world who look in the mirror daily and find something they don’t like about themselves. I believe when you effectively love yourself, you love the good and the bad because both ultimately make up who you are. If you don’t love you, how can you expect someone else to love you? The good and the bad. We can try because I most certainly have, but the foundation of love starts in you. Love you the way you desire someone to give you love, maybe even more. Be Blessed.

Understanding My Father’s Love & Vision

Hello Family! I have not written a post in a little while, but I can definitely tell you I have been working on soooooo many things involving my VISION for “The Vision Blogger” Companies so be on the lookout. BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!! (My team tells me I need to focus on one thing, but I can’t. LOL.)

At the end of August, my daughter, Mya, and I went to support one of my church sisters, Rhoshonda Adkison’s, event “Breakfast with Daddy’s Girl”. The event was located at Hanz’s Diner in North Houston where in the provided area, the women and young girls sat on the outside of the tables, while men sat in the middle. Each man represented that day was the “Dad” for about three or four ladies or young girls and became responsible for them for the time given. After our informal meet and greet, we all wrote out the letters to spell father on the sheet of paper given and were asked to describe what a father is using each letter. As we formulated our list, Mya started to remember her dad and came up with words with that glee and smile in her eyes I hadn’t seen in a long while. Most of the words did not start with the letters provided, but it was amazing to hear her just describe him. That moment caused me to step back and truly think about my father and how our relationship and his passing affected me.

Mya was SPOILED with a capital “S”. Now the word “spoiled” is often used as a derogatory term, but in my eyes, if a child or teenager was spoiled, they often got mostly everything they wanted and were not punished for things you might have received a punishment for. As a child, growing up, I confused being spoiled with being more loved. One day, I actually told my dad I felt he loved my sisters more than me because they were always getting what they wanted from him. His words to me were, “You have the same opportunities to get what you want and need from me, but you don’t ask.” He was right. In my mind, at the time I felt like it was wrong of me to always go and ask my dad for anything when my little sister was always going to him already for everything. I also felt like I didn’t call him enough or spent enough time with him to ask him for things I wanted or needed. I just never wanted my dad to feel like I only called him for those reasons. Looking back on this now, I am the same way with God. I know He is absolutely everything and He can do what I can’t, but I never want it to seem like I only talk to Him when I need Him. After the conversation with my dad, I realized it was my fault I felt the way I did. Point blank, I never in no shape, form, or fashion, felt unloved by my father, but as a young girl, I never knew how and what it meant for a father to show real love without having gifts and things I desired. As a teenager, as I grasped the concept of what a father’s love should consist of, I realized I looked forward to meals with my dad, going to church with him, and laughing with him until my stomach hurt more than having the materialistic things.  Thankfully, I learned this early on where that perception of love would not boil over into my relationships as an adult. I was proud to say that my daughter experienced love from her father different than how I felt as a young girl. Her father wasn’t fully in a position to give her everything she wanted. Honestly at three years old, she really didn’t ask for much of anything. She knew her father loved her by the time spent with her, the hugs and kisses he gave, and the compliments of how beautiful she is. That’s the love she experienced in only three years that she still thinks about almost five years later.

Losing my father at 22 was TOUGH for two reasons. One, I had just left my home church a year before and he had become my pastor and baptized me. As my pastor, our relationship grew stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. I saw my father in a different light and didn’t want that light to dim from my life. The second reason was, two months to the day of his passing, I had just given birth to my first child, Elijah. I remember the day I had him. The look in his eyes was unexplainable. He kept coming in the recovery room with me and going right back out to check on my son. The next day, he came back to the hospital and just held him for hours. My sister told me he preached about Elijah from the Bible for three weeks straight. When we came back to church, after service was over, he prayed and said, “Bring me my grandson.” You could see the joy in his eyes and hear it in his smile when he called. It pained me to come to grips with him not being able to see him and the other grandchildren grow up. Even now, it hurts sometimes to think about how he never got a chance to meet all the other grandkids who have been born since his passing. 

The final activity of the event was writing a letter to our fathers. I truly thought the activity was going to be an emotional one for myself and Mya but it was actually relieving. In Mya’s letter, she wrote about everything she missed about him being here on earth with her. As we finished, I started to ask myself, “What do you want to say that you never got a chance to say?” One thing was how much I loved and appreciated him as my father and at that time, as my Pastor. My father would move the moon and stars for his wife, his girls, his family, his friends and God’s people. He was a true servant. It was a blessing to see him sick, well, happy, or sad serve. That’s why when I saw the flyer where my father’s church, True Praise Missionary Baptist Church, under Pastor Earnest Helaire, Jr., was having their opening service for the new building, I couldn’t and wouldn’t have missed it. My father’s VISION had come to pass. I didn’t know everything True Praise had to go through to get the building but I knew there were obstacles. Before and even during the opening service, they continued to face opposition when the air conditioner went out. That didn’t stop them from giving God praise and honor for what He had done for them as a church. First Lady Sha Helaire and other members served the members and guests ice water because of the heat. I just believed just as she served in that moment, it was a direct representation of True Praise and what they had to endure as they waited for the vision to come to pass. They continued to serve. They didn’t quit. They didn’t allow road blocks to hinder the process of moving forward.Passing by my grandparents’ house, I had seen the pieces for the building many times, but to see all the pieces together to create the beautiful edifice was encouraging. My vision is written ALL OVER on many sheets of paper in my journal, sticky notes on my desk, and even notes in my phone, in pieces. My pieces can and will come to pass just like my father’s vision did. “And the Lord answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.” My father wrote the vision and made it plain. His church, now under the leadership of Pastor Helaire, continued on even in the midst of the heartbreak of losing their child, brother, friend, and pastor. They are running with what was written.

Every single person in this world has had their own experience with love from their birth fathers whether it was existent or non-existent. Some people don’t or didn’t have the luxury of even having their father in their lives at all or only in bits and pieces of it. What I have always found throughout my life and even through others’ testimonies, whatever you may have felt about your father, whether he was there or not, God is the only one who can fill any void you may have from not having your father around or not receiving what you needed from him. I love the idea of the “Daddy’s Girls” Ministry because Rhoshonda brings teenage girls together, which I believe the teen years are a pivotal stage in life, to minister to them about the love of Christ and building an unimaginable bond with Him. As great as my biological father was to me and as much love I am surrounded by from my family and friends, I could never live without the love of God and wouldn’t be able to understand life at times without having that relationship with Him.  

With this post, I honor my father, Pastor Jim Miles, Jr. and True Praise Missionary Baptist Church. I love you guys tremendously. Keep up the good work. Be Blessed.

MY TESTIMONY-GOD HAS DONE IT AGAIN

First, I have to say, God is absolutely AMAZING & FAITHFUL. He does just what He says He’ll do. He’s never short in His promises. When I declared “Today is going to be a GREAT day” on yesterday, I never fathomed what God was going to do for me. I’m still in amazement and in awe of who He is in my life. I love God! He is EVERYTHING to me and I am FOREVER His servant. Not for what He does only but for who HE is.

Second, God has revealed soooo much to me about myself in the last four years, I’ll never be able to fully explain it. I learned who I truly was in Him and He strategically placed many people in my life to keep me going and growing in Him and through my VISION. So, it was somewhat hard for me to leave my last job at the Tax Office because I knew I was comfortable. I was also working towards being a Lead Clerk, but there, you had to really be in good with the right people to be promoted.

I left there and went to work with my mom in the Justice Courts, where I had volunteered periodically since high school. Little did I know, 3 months after starting the job, my children’s father would pass leaving me heartbroken and somewhat confused about what God was actually doing in my life. At the same time I felt relieved. My children’s father was my entire life. I loved him with everything in me, but losing him drew me even more closer to God. Also, at the new job I was able to take the time I needed to truly heal and grieve at my leisure. I wouldn’t have been able to do that at the Tax Office.

As time went on, I began to learn almost every aspect of the Courts. I worked hard with truly no intention of ever being promoted maybe for years to come. I knew I would be qualified because of what I knew and my work ethics, but set my mind and heart to believe I wouldn’t be able to be promoted. Not only because the current Supervisors didn’t plan on retiring for years, but because people would believe my mother, who is the chief clerk, would only give me the position because I was her daughter, not because I knew the job and worked hard at it.

In the previous school year, Edwin, Jr. starts kindergarten and begins having issues EVERYDAY. He is later diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Behavior. You can read more about that process in the following link: https://thevisionblogger.com/2019/02/07/yesterday-was-tough/ During the school year, I had a bit of relief because there were people in place at his school to help redirect him if need be, being that the medicine only did so much.

The summer didn’t start off so great. He was getting ready to be removed from the summer program. Just days ago, we started a new medication along with what he’s already taking. It looks like things are much better for now and I believe God is working on that as well. I’m grateful and relieved because in two weeks I will be starting a new position as the new “Traffic Department Supervisor” in another Justice of the Peace Court.

I was interviewed along with others for the position and found myself just happy to even be considered for the opportunity to have an interview. I started the process with the mindset, “God, if it’s for me, it’s for me. If it’s not, it’s not and I’m okay with that.” But God knew what I wanted and He knew exactly what I needed to provide fully for myself and my children. Even after having what was intended for my children be stolen by someone who was connected to their father, God has replaced that and more.

Things I’ve learned through this process:

  • I will never underestimate what God can and will do for me. He has a Will and it’s all I want.
  • I will never underestimate myself or count myself out and make myself believe outside of what God has promised. He is faithful and if He promised it, I dare not allow the enemy or even myself to make me believe His promise won’t be manifested.
  • I will never apologize for what God has placed on the inside of me to fulfill work in the Kingdom and the World. I love me and the way God has made and molded me. I am yet and still on the potter’s wheel and will never be unreachable or unteachable.

I am a witness. God never puts more on you than you can bear. If He allows you to go through it, He’s equipped you with what you need to stand any test or trial. I am ELATED to learn what’s next to come in this journey of life. This short story had to be told to help someone understand and witness through me that God is strategic in everything he does. He has a plan. Don’t be distracted by the pain and short detours. Don’t allow them to make you miss the moment God is using to show you what He wants to do in your life. You may not even understand it all, but find solitude in the fact that He understands it all. He has a plan and purpose. He’s GOD! My prayer DAILY is for someone to be blessed in what God has taken me through, favored me with, and endowed me to do with my hands. Check out my previous post as well with my top 13 Motivational Quotes for moving forward here: https://thevisionblogger.com/2019/06/20/motivational-quotes-for-moving-forward/

Be Blessed.

It’s A Celebration!!!

“The Klein ISD Family Engagement Program empowers families to actively participate in their student’s education by engaging in meaningful partnerships with the schools to support the Klein ISD vision:

“In Klein ISD every student enters with a promise, and exits with a purpose!””

-Klein ISD

Graduation InvitationMy children attend Klein Independent School District and have since Elijah started kindergarten back in 2015. Since then, it seemed like everyone in the school from the front office to the cafeteria workers knew the Sauls kids. As a working single mother, it became hard for me to attend certain events during school hours and sometimes even after-school because I would be so tired. Klein Intermediate started “Parent University” in the 2013-2014 school year through the Family Engagement Program. It was established to provide a way for parents to become more involved with the school. This would lead to better relationships between the school and parents, as well as, parents and their children, which would ultimately lead to better grades for the students. This school year, I had no other choice but to be more involved after having to deal with Edwin Jr., and his diagnosis of ADHD, which I have spoken up about recently. I went to the school several times and actively attended the programs they provided. The first program of the school year I attended was “Kindergarten Camp”, where myself and other parents brought their new kindergarteners for a few hours to the school for three nights. The camp was put together to provide a smooth transition for their students starting a big school. Edwin, of course, had already been to the school many times previously with his brother and sister so the only new thing we had to face was leaving him in a classroom by himself. During this camp, the kindergarteners left the parents and went into the classrooms while the parents interacted with each other. I believed this was an awesome way for the students to feel a little more comfortable before the first day of school. This was also a great way to meet parents who were all experiencing their babies going to school for the first time. This was only one of the five programs I attended provided by the Family Engagement Program allowing me to be a part of the Parent University’s Class of 2019.

Parent University Diploma

This year’s graduating class consisted of myself and 267 other parents from Klein ISD. As I entered the building with my cap and gown in hand, there were greeters everywhere I turned. I think I heard “Congratulations” almost a hundred times that day. I entered a huge room which served as a holding area for all the graduates. Some of the parents included teachers and staff from my children’s school. Everyone had big smiles on their faces as they took pictures with their friends and even meeting other parents in their line. You could see and feel the excitement in the room. We stood in alphabetical order until they were ready for us to make our grand entrance where family, friends, and some of the districts’ staff awaited. We took our seats and the program began. Our keynote speaker was Mr. Bob Anderson, who is the Founding Principal of Parent University. He spoke on the journey Klein encountered in creating this program to form more parent activity in the schools. The graduation, to me, was just one of the “fruits of their labor”.

47073249064_b756cf7399_zClick Here to view photos from the Graduation along with the one above provided by Klein Independent School District.

The key people to making the Family Engagement Program a success in each Klein ISD’s schools individually are the Parent Liaisons. Ms. Simon, who you see helping me get my cap on over this head, and Ms. Sanchez are the heads of this operation at Nistch Elementary.  I remembered at the beginning of the school year Ms. Sanchez spoke about how memorable the graduations were and she would tell you every chance she got. She has been one of the main people to push me to complete the programs to become a graduate. She even brought me in the “Parent Center”, during one of my many visits, to make sure I had enough credits to become eligible. When she saw I only had one more program to go, she immediately went into the upcoming programs that would be held for me to earn my credit. We, then, started discussing the upcoming STAAR test. She printed off practice sheets for me to work on with the kids to help them better prepare at home. This is another example of the school helping the parents engage in their students success. Ms. Simon has been my listener, helper, and even my shoulder to cry on. Anytime she would come across valuable information or programs to help me out financially, she would call me. Anytime they offered help during Christmas time or throughout the year with essential items and uniforms at times, I knew about it. Doing this helped me to stress less and focus more on what was even more important, my children’s education. These women, along with so many other staff members, help create a safe and productive environment for the children of Nitsch Elementary while creating the same type of relationship with the parents.

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When my children’s father passed, I moved out of my mom’s house about two months later alone with my children.  I say all the time I felt like I had to learn them all over again. Even though I gave birth to them and were with them everyday, I started to view life with my children differently because I was now doing it alone. I had no idea what was in store for this journey. Even after watching my mother, a single parent of three, work multiple jobs to provide and do all she possibly could, it still would never prepare me for this endeavor. To this day, I sometimes feel like I’m sucking at it, but the staff of Nistch Elementary and a host of family and friends, help me daily to not suck at this parenting thing so much. I never had to have accolades for simply being a parent, but it felt good to be celebrated. The Parent University did just that. They showed me I’m doing my very best with what I am given and have provided many avenues to complete the VISION of the district, for every student to enter with a promise and exit with a purpose.

“Ur Eyez” By Anonymous

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I looked into 100 pair of eyes today and my day still didn’t start until I looked into yours. I have sang on many stages, met a million people, signed thousands of autographs, took several pictures but until I came to this point. The point where I could smell your scent. That very scent that draws me to you like a magnet. Until I came to this point where I could hear your whisper. That very sound that you make when you are lying in my arms. Until I came to this point where I can feel your touch. That very touch that sends chills all over my body. That touch that makes holding your hand feel like the first time we made love. Until I came to this point where I could gaze deep into your eyes.

They say your eyes are the gateway to your soul. So our souls connected on a level that no man can understand. My definition of true love is your souls recognition to its counterpart in another. And since the first time I looked into your eyes I knew you were the one. You are that very one that was taken from me to complete me. I knew you were the the one that is the STRENGTH in my weakness, JOY in my pain, PEACE in my anger. You complete me! Without you its like I’m missing half a brain. Meaning I can still function but I’m limited. Maybe you don’t understand, I can breathe but can’t move. See without u I’m incomplete.

I looked into 100 pair of eyes today and my day still didn’t start until I looked into yours.
For you are the one that makes time speed up when I’m doing things that I really don’t wanna do like going to work, school or just chillen at home all alone. You are the one that makes time stop, actually it ceases to exist when I hear your voice. With just one touch you take me to places that I’ve never been. Intimacy on another dimension if that makes any since. Yes it does ya see… ecstasy was not fantasy it was reality. I was not sleeping nor was I dreaming. I was awake but reality was so orchestrated like a beautiful symphony. You would have thought that it was all in my mind but it all started in your eyes.

I looked into 100 pair of eyes today and my day still didn’t start until I looked into yours.
For in your eyes I see truth. The things you feel but don’t say. The small lies you tell so that I don’t worry. The hurt you feel but don’t know how to express it. I told you that you complete me and we are one. So no matter what you say with your mouth your eyes never lie. In your eyes I see when u pull away, I see when you have given up or go all in. They say your eyes are the gateway to your soul. And our souls have connected on a level that no man can understand. So before tonight ends turn around so I can do it all again!!!

~Anonymous~

“Love” with The Vision Blogger, Family, & Friends

“Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.”
― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

These awesome poets, who will be featured right here with myself, willingly responded to the call. Some sent what they already had written and others wrote something new and sent it. At first, as I emailed everyone individually. I didn’t give a topic, but I knew, when the idea came about, I wanted to talk about LOVE first. I didn’t want to limit anyone, but the topic was set in stone when at least two of the poets said they were going to write on it. As these poems started rolling in, the more excited I became and knew this was the PERFECT topic for our first round. Love is universal. Everyone feels it at some point of time in your life, whether it be as a child, as an adult, while you’re single, married, or divorced. What I’ve learned about love is, everyone doesn’t feel it the same way. Emotions are different. Reactions to receiving and giving it are different. While reading these pieces, through these poets words, I felt that love and pray you feel the same love as well, or at least can relate to feeling it at one point of time. Enjoy.

 

“Amber” By Ann M. Browne

“Paper Dream” By James Newell

“My Apology To Love” By Sheritta Johnson

“The Kaleidoscope Effect” By Kenisha Jones

“Love” By Ego Slayer

“Lost By Love” By Octavia Jones

“A Heart That Loves” By Rhoshonda Adkison

“Love Song” by Laquiesha Duncan

“Mid-Morning Emotions” By Ariel

“Love Don’t Give Up On Me” By Sheritta Johnson

“Love, In A Sense” By The Vision Blogger

Hello World!

photo collage maker_iuobcw4758788919331373669..pngHello ALL!!! First off, let me thank you for even taking the time to grace my page with your presence. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. It’s means a lot. Second, I have always wanted to start a blog, but I just never knew how. So, please forgive me if I don’t know exactly what I am doing right off the back. My life changed drastically after the loss of the father of my three children. I bought a diary (actually two of them) to try and get some of my feelings out on the table. I have only wrote in it one time. I carry it around with me in my HUMONGOUS purse like I am going to get some kind of INSPIRATION to write in it. I follow a blog on my Facebook page from someone that I have known since I was a little girl. Her name is Janae Strickland. Her blog is called “Confessions From a Red Couch.” Reading her post from the other night inspired me to share my story, and my many more stories to come, on my journey called LIFE. I have a story to tell and I have a feeling that my story will help someone else, who may not be dealing with the same things that I deal with on a day-to-day basis, but maybe similar to it. I won’t flood this page daily and may not even be weekly, but at least bi-weekly or even monthly.

So, many would probably ask me, “Why are you a WOMAN on PURPOSE” or “How are you PREGNANT with DESTINY”. I’ll explain. Growing up, I would hear grown-ups say all the time they should have been dead a LONG time ago. I never understood that statement until I became a grown-up myself. I am no where near a perfect person, but I am striving to be all that GOD has called me to be. I have done some CRAZY things in my many years of life. Things have happen to me where I felt I was either going to lose my mind or even my life. So, I am here on PURPOSE. There is a reason why I am living, breathing, and raising three children. There is a reason. So, how can I be pregnant with DESTINY? Many people go through a full lifetime without knowing what they are actually supposed to do on this earth. Some may not believe, but everyone is born to do something. After the loss of my children’s father, I felt lost…..AT FIRST. Then God helped me to realize that everything happens for a reason and everything that HE does is for my GOOD. I am growing more and more each day as I am becoming more and more aware of where I am going. I don’t have the full purpose, YET, but I know that I have something on the inside of me that is being formed until it is ready to come out. This is DESTINY.

I ask that you join me on this ride. There will be some highs and some lows, but WE ALL ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS. I, also, will never turn down constructive criticism. I am here to help, when I can, and have an open floor.

Thank you for your time. I hope to see you again. BE BLESSED…..